this post was submitted on 12 Sep 2025
48 points (96.2% liked)

Ask Lemmy

34544 readers
985 users here now

A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions


Rules: (interactive)


1) Be nice and; have funDoxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them


2) All posts must end with a '?'This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?


3) No spamPlease do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.


4) NSFW is okay, within reasonJust remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com. NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].


5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions. If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.


6) No US Politics.
Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world or !askusa@discuss.online


Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.

Partnered Communities:

Tech Support

No Stupid Questions

You Should Know

Reddit

Jokes

Ask Ouija


Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu


founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

I need to tell someone off but I already know I'm going to be close to tears when I do. And I don't want her to see me crying.

And please spare me any mention of how it is okay to cry. That's not why I'm here.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works 12 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Okay the first step in being able to get control and stop crying is to stop being embarrassed about crying. Because that added level of feeling makes the crying worse. So what if the power of your truth brings tears to your eyes? If they mock you it's because they're trying to distract from the fact they're in the wrong. Ignore and continue.

What you don't want is to whine or sob. So forget your eyes, concentrate on your voice. Deliberately pitch it a little low, it prevents squeaking. And use enough volume to be heard but don't shout, you want to sound in control.

The other thing you don't want to do is to snivel or have to deal with snot. So don't keep your eyes wide trying to keep the tears from dripping, because that will just send the water down those tubes into your nose, and you'll have a real mess plus you'll be hard to understand. Deliberately blink and let them fall, or better yet dab with a tissue that you remembered to bring! (You don't want to be like I once was, stuck with nothing absorbent in my purse but my toddler's spare pair of clean underpants!)

All the while, concentrate on calmly stating the thing that's so important to say. Chin up, keep eye contact, don't let a few drops of water distract you. And you'll find it gets easier with practice, so practice. Practice logical sentences that make your points, and practice returning to your point despite distractions or arguments from them.

If you wear makeup, try that out too, you don't want anything that runs!

Being well prepared in case you do start to cry is the best way to minimize it, even if it doesn't 100% prevent it.