Imagine a scene where 2 new people come to your house for a party made up of people from many backgrounds, one is kind and the other is hateful and verbally abuses and bullies the one who is kind for something they have no choice over such that they leave your house. Then seeing this one of the other party members kicks the bully out of the house for them being massively rude. Now being massively rude and dehumanizing to others is an active choice one makes, that’s not a outgroup that one is in through any choice but their own. The party itself is still widely diverse accepting all who preserve the welcoming spirit of the party.

You’re arguing that the rest of the party should feel bad for the asshole that was kicked out.

[–] iii@mander.xyz 0 points 22 hours ago* (last edited 20 hours ago) (1 children)

Now being massively rude and dehumanizing to others is an active choice one makes, that’s not a outgroup that one is in through any choice but their own.

Unfortunately, this perspective misses a crucial truth. Most abusers have a history of being abused themselves (1). They are trapped in a relentless cycle of anger, rejection, and pain, struggling to escape a reality where kindness feels foreign and unrecognizable. Breaking this cycle is profoundly challenging, as it demands consistent empathy and kindness from others—qualities they initially perceive as weaknesses. This is the very lesson they absorbed in their formative years.

They see their worldview validated as angry mobs of self-proclaimed "good guys" cause and celebrate intentional agitation, hurt, and violence.

If those are "good guys", then there's no good in the world, only power, winners and losers - a logical conclusion, were the premise valid, isn't it?

You’re arguing that the rest of the party should feel bad for the asshole that was kicked out.

Exactly! Vilify behaviour instead of people. Try to protect your friend that's being bullied by supporting his behaviour. Recognize that everyone can be hurt or wronged, as well as can hurt and do wrong.

In other words: be empathic.

[–] JaymesRS@piefed.world 2 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

They’re not being bullied for their behavior, they are being bullied for their existence (unless you’re suggesting one support the bulling behavior). In our current environment there is no shortage of people reinforcing and welcoming the bullying behavior and decrying the existence of the bullied. If it was an issue of unfamiliarity you would have a point but that’s not the environment that exists and I’d prefer to make the bullied feel welcomed than the oppressor with what limited time and resources I have.

We all have choices to make, you seem to have chosen to make the oppressors and bullies feel more welcome with your time.

(Also, your link says that people who are ostracized by others tend to continue that cycle not that people who ostracized others were themselves victims of ostracization in the past. That’s swapping cause-and-effect, and doesn’t support your contention)

[–] iii@mander.xyz 1 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 20 hours ago)

I’d prefer to make the bullied feel welcomed than the oppressor with what limited time and resources I have

Nobody is solely the bully or bullied. That's what seperates empathy from parochial empathy: understanding not only people who are like, but also those who are unlike.

It truely is the only way to heal.

your link says that people who are ostracized by others tend to continue that cycle not that people who ostracized others were themselves victims of ostracization

You might misunderstand the meaning of the word cycle?