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[Relationship advice] How do I stop feeling distraught after I set up a whole situation for me and got disappointed when things went not as expected? (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 1 week ago by immathrowawayig@sh.itjust.works to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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Argh. Alright sounds very dumb but here am I seeking for opinions to knock some sense into me.

So, I have this girl who is my online-only friend who I've been chatting with for almost 4 years now. We gotten really close and too close to call her just a friend. She termed that we might be in a situationship. My knowledge regarding relationships is 0 as I have no prior experience in relationships. So I'm learning as we go.

I'm enjoying so much of her presence with me chatting online that I think I am not doing any rational thinking, like, putting off stuff just to catch her online to chat and bunch of other stuff. I have recognised this having adverse effects on me so I've started to prioritise things this week due to which I have gotten very less time chatting her.

Today, being the weekend I wanted to spend all evening chatting with her with no limits on my schedule as it is a weekend. I have set these crazy expectations of just spending all evening with her doing nothing but chatting.

But to my disappointment, she replied late and turns out that she was out somewhere attending a party of her friend. I just told her to enjoy the night and acted nonchalantly. But insidesl, there is this huge disappointment that was crushing me.

I have started to think some very bad stuff like:

that I should just let people be and enjoy being alone
depending on people always leads to disappointments
expectations should be curbed and always have low expectations about everything
being alone is the best way to treat yourself
stay away from people and indulge in alone entertainment like watching web series or movies at home

I know, very dumb of me to think of these things but on the other hand these stuff brings some sort of solace to my distraught mind.

Also as I have been learning about myself a lot since I've gotten close to her, I have identified myself being cynical, toxic(we always fight and patch up, not sure if it's toxic I'm still learning), jealous and showing signs of limerence with anxiously attached relationship traits. Crazy package I know but I'm willing to get better and I feel the first step is recognising my bad behaviours. This is why I'm here seeking for opinions to knock some sense into me.

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[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

Honestly atp of life, making friends seems hard and sadly I’m not that young.

There is nothing about any particular stage in life that makes it hard to make friends. Some things, like school, can make it easier. But how hard it is to make friends largely depends on you, and how you interact with the world. It depends on your skills and your habits that lead to friend-making.

It sounds like you dont have those skills and habits, and that will make making friends hard. GOOD. Because you know what helps you mature? Doing hard things. Trying things you aren't sure will work. Being scared and uncomfortable. Getting rejected.

Go out and make friends, and have a hard time making friends, because the difficulty of making friends will help you become more ready for a relationship