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Without wanting to sound ignorant, wouldn't finding another ace person help here? Since both would be coming into the relationship with the same set of "goals" and the same mindset
The problem is that ace people are so incredibly rare that you're not going to just stumble upon them in the wild. I have similar frustrations as the person you're responding to. I can never really have that kind of deep relationship with someone because I'm not compatible with 99.99% of people on the planet.
There are dating websites that are asexual focused, but that doesn't mean they are densely populated. I go back to these now and then and it's rather frustrating how few people exist on these websites. I have yet to match with someone who will respond to me, is in my desired age range (not 10+ years older or younger), and is within a day's driving distance from me.
I know tons of ace people but from a specific fandom. My wife (who is ace) is super into the show Our Flag Means Death. I liked it to, but I'm not a super fan like they are. We've met people at conventions into the show and many are ace. The show features a ton of LGBTQ characters. So maybe finding queer media and people into that media is a good way for you to find other asexual folks.
Just jump on ace Tinder. They show you photos and no one swipes.
That'd be great, if A). ace folks weren't VERY far and VERY few between, and B). "I'm an ace who actively sex." Because apparently that's a thing with 0 differentiation, which makes everything 100000% more frustrating.