Ask Lemmy

I truly hope you find someone mate.

Not a woman but I’m still gonna give you the only advice I can: never ever give up as that is the only option that has a guaranteed outcome. If you are as awesome in person as you seem, I’m both rooting for you and a believer in your future.

I'm a lesbian and my partner is also partially disabled. She manages her conditions but as far as we know, it's as good as it will get. (I have chronic issues too but I am typically mobile.)

We like to game together. We watch movies together. She also games with her friends and I go out and do other more physically demanding activities with my own friends. We like to discover new food and talk about politics.

We found that our sense of humor and morality aligns well and we enjoy each other's company. That and the fact that she was independent drew me to her.

Good luck out there.

First question: have you considered finding a woman in the same predicament? You'd have a lot in common and she'd understand where you're coming from. I wouldn't go to a support group with the intention of finding a date specifically, but honestly getting out and connecting with other people, or even just connecting online, could go a long way towards alleviating some of your loneliness.

Another facet I think is super important to mention here, a lot of people meet other people by being introduced by someone else. This is a big part of why it's so important to develop and do hobbies and pastimes and attend culturally unifying gatherings like religious ceremonies and festivals. While moving away from religion has had some benefits, we haven't really paid much attention to replacing it's social benefits, such as giving people a place to go on a regular schedule, which is one of the key factors in forming long-term bonds.

If you're asking if I would personally date you, I have no idea, I've never met you, you're probably not my partner's type, and I really don't go solo anymore these days. I will tell you what I told my partner about the "in sickness and in health" bit: I'm not going to be a primary day-to-day caregiver, there would need to be a home health aid 98% of the time and I would just pitch in if they weren't available or needed a hand. I also refuse to deal with any man who does not take an effective leading role in their own care. I've gotten sucked into too many fixer-upper men (only with mental illness thus far) and I'm not putting myself anywhere near that position ever again. I can't believe I got to the point in my life that I've had to add "calls own psychiatrist independently" to my list of criteria but here we are.

You might be able to meet someone in a MMORPG. If not the escapism of creating a character and exploring a new world could be appealing.

I met my partner online a few years ago. He is 40’s but similar situation to you. Don’t give up.

I'm a woman and this is pretty close to my entire life. After suffering a dog attack I can't really walk anymore and it's a struggle to do a lot of basic household tasks. I too was also pretty skeptical I would ever find a relationship, but it's been over two years with my girlfriend and she is wonderfully supportive. We divide up house work based around what I can do and is always checking in if I'm feeling up to doing something.

All I'm saying is you can't give up hope. Women exist who are okay with our situations, you'll find her sooner or later. :)

What have you tried? I think with therapy to come to peace and love yourself through it and then a really honest dating profile there’s lots of hope.