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Either Jack Black or Daniel Day-Lewis, depending on who directs/who's casting.
Edit: I'm not saying I look like Daniel Day-Lewis, I'm saying I like to think my life would require an actor of his caliber and complexity. Probably Rob Schneider would suffice, in reality.
In a similar vein, not Rob Schneider the actor, but that racist stereotype Mexican he plays in a bunch of movies. I would find it hilarious in a "I'm the dude playing the dude disguised as another dude" way.
Wait.
RDJ playing Rob Schneider playing that character.
Daniel Day Lewis?! Now, I know you're being disingenuous. Please use no fewer than 25 words between the; painter, journeyman cobbler, chef, bon vivant, quite possibly the greatest actor of his generation and Rob "screaming internally for validation" Schneider.