this post was submitted on 09 Mar 2024
292 points (92.4% liked)

No Stupid Questions

35901 readers
1221 users here now

No such thing. Ask away!

!nostupidquestions is a community dedicated to being helpful and answering each others' questions on various topics.

The rules for posting and commenting, besides the rules defined here for lemmy.world, are as follows:

Rules (interactive)


Rule 1- All posts must be legitimate questions. All post titles must include a question.

All posts must be legitimate questions, and all post titles must include a question. Questions that are joke or trolling questions, memes, song lyrics as title, etc. are not allowed here. See Rule 6 for all exceptions.



Rule 2- Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material.

Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material. You will be warned first, banned second.



Rule 3- Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here.

Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here. Breaking this rule will not get you or your post removed, but it will put you at risk, and possibly in danger.



Rule 4- No self promotion or upvote-farming of any kind.

That's it.



Rule 5- No baiting or sealioning or promoting an agenda.

Questions which, instead of being of an innocuous nature, are specifically intended (based on reports and in the opinion of our crack moderation team) to bait users into ideological wars on charged political topics will be removed and the authors warned - or banned - depending on severity.



Rule 6- Regarding META posts and joke questions.

Provided it is about the community itself, you may post non-question posts using the [META] tag on your post title.

On fridays, you are allowed to post meme and troll questions, on the condition that it's in text format only, and conforms with our other rules. These posts MUST include the [NSQ Friday] tag in their title.

If you post a serious question on friday and are looking only for legitimate answers, then please include the [Serious] tag on your post. Irrelevant replies will then be removed by moderators.



Rule 7- You can't intentionally annoy, mock, or harass other members.

If you intentionally annoy, mock, harass, or discriminate against any individual member, you will be removed.

Likewise, if you are a member, sympathiser or a resemblant of a movement that is known to largely hate, mock, discriminate against, and/or want to take lives of a group of people, and you were provably vocal about your hate, then you will be banned on sight.



Rule 8- All comments should try to stay relevant to their parent content.



Rule 9- Reposts from other platforms are not allowed.

Let everyone have their own content.



Rule 10- Majority of bots aren't allowed to participate here.



Credits

Our breathtaking icon was bestowed upon us by @Cevilia!

The greatest banner of all time: by @TheOneWithTheHair!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 

Someone recently told me that they sometimes feel gaslighted around me because I effortlessly make them question their beliefs and feelings. Hearing that didn't sit well with me, especially since I've been pondering the question in the title for quite some time.

I've always been quite critical of myself and don't consider myself a very nice person. When I discover that someone doesn't enjoy being around me, I don't blame them one bit. It's not like I'm intentionally mean or abusive; quite the opposite, actually. I have very strong morals. However, this includes things like not lying, which means I always speak the truth, even if not everyone likes hearing it. I don't conform to many social norms expected of me.

Despite all of this, I have deep relationships with several people and especially the elderly and for example the parents of my past girlfriends have all liked me a lot. But I can't help but wonder why they don't see me as I see myself. I worry that I'm hiding the true me so well that people don't actually like me, but rather the facade I unknowingly maintain. Then again, a true psychopath probably wouldn't be second-guessing themselves in this manner.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] MotoAsh@lemmy.world 1 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

Depends. Are they nice before they're honest? Or are they nice while also being honest?

They aren't mutually exclusive labels, so you might just be a positive person that doesn't pick up on nefarious clues so well and thusly aren't going to recognize the kind of casual dishonesty being referenced here.

I think you may be assuming gaslighting is something only done by the wicked. Some "nice" people, who I think they're referencing, will be "nice" in incredibly cruel ways. Those are the people to avoid. People who will call you "friend" and be friendly, but then not even mention or invite you to their wedding, or ghost YOU over drama in their life ... all forms of people running friendships dishonestly while still putting a "nice" front on is what I think of when I hear bad nice guy. There are A LOT of them depending on what social circles you roam; people jockying for social status using kind words without kind action.

Yes, people universally like "nice" people, but not all "nice" people are good people.

[–] snooggums@midwest.social 1 points 8 months ago (1 children)

While people can be polite and honest, it is clear that they are talking about someone who cares far more about one than the other.

[–] MotoAsh@lemmy.world 1 points 8 months ago

I know, I'm just trying to describe the type of person who is nice but not good, since they said they cannot think of someone like that.