drbollocks

a lot of the time, i’m either busy doing something where i literally cannot respond or overstimulated.

when i’m overstimulated, i physically cannot talk or barely register what someone’s saying. i also have trouble understanding out loud speech for some reason, where i’m listening but can’t process the words.

when my sister asks or says something, i often ask her to repeat it because it’s a lot of information. she says something like “never mind, you don’t care anyway, it’s not important” when i ask to be repeated.

she doesn’t care when i told her why i need it to be repeated.

she also thinks i’m mad at her all the time, gets frustrated when i don’t talk (because im incapable), and starts talking badly about herself when i don’t laugh at her humor (which consists of loud screeching and tiktok “brainrot” words)

since then, i decided to feign laughter so she’ll not think i’m upset with her.

i do try to be there for my sister, but there’s times where i cannot or just can’t talk.

i just broke up with my bf who ghosted me bc he realized he's gay (im a woman). i don't even think i like guys but i have this compulsion to ask out my friend who i blocked to have a man that treats me right instead of the other guy that ghosted me, and also to make him happy.

he kept talking about how he could treat me better than anyone else, that i should've ditched my bf for him (obv i said no), and badmouthed not only his gf of a few years since age 16 but also his first time. he left her bc she showed signs of schizophrenia and she blocked all his socials after he left.

he kept guilttripping me when i said i didn't want to be his gf so ik he doesn't care about consent regardless of what he says. he also completely ignored me liking women and acted like i was straight but i feel lonely.

i kinda wanna make him happy and have a bf who pays attention to me but ik i'm probably just saying this out of sadness. we were friends but i had to block.

how could you tell, since npd is an actual condition, so of course they’ll act differently, but it’s used so often to describe a regular, typical asshole.

i don’t mean this to say that people with mental health conditions are all abusive, nor do i take your comments as a diagnosis, i’m more or less just curious. after all, only a professional could help the specific person.

i have been emotionally abused by someone. they can never accept their own faults or mistakes. telling them they made a mistake will set them off and cause outbursts of anger. they strictly adhere to rules and try to control people to follow a rigid set of them.

will often prey on weaknesses to make you stay with them because “no one understands you, just me”. discards you but comes back after a while and the cycle repeats.

often makes others feel bad about themselves, that they are the best/only good person and they should be the reliable one to come to when something’s wrong. in their eyes, you are worthless no matter what you do to change it.

i have a lot going on besides that. just broke up with a guy, realized i wasn’t even into guys (but it stung more that he didn’t pay attention to me/care regardless), then having some rocky relationships with my gf (open relationship) and long-time friend, the latter i’m cutting contact with. (meaning i will only talk to her if i have to or if she talks to me first)

with all of this, my anxiety’s acting up and i’m a bit (still although it got better) on edge.

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