derivatives_are_hard

joined 7 months ago
[–] derivatives_are_hard@lemmy.world 2 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

It sounds more formal than I suppose it really was I think. But, a few things were kind of baseline assumptions we worked from. No name calling or snide insults in a hurtful manner. That seemed to be a really core value. We allowed apologies when they were needed after an argument and we allowed them without any eye rolling or derision. We tried to go to bed without contempt...certainly we could be irritated, maybe angry but that didn't mean we didn't like each other so it was a sort of neutral ground, in a way?

Trying to explain it seems so contrived and cringe but in my head, and believe in hers as well, we had some idea from our parents what we should try to avoid and that was our starting point. Our parents provided a model of what not to have in a marriage and so we talked a lot about that, especially when we first met.

Also, no TV in the bedroom. Ever.

These are still the set of guidelines we follow now. Even without the pressure of children.

[–] derivatives_are_hard@lemmy.world 14 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) (2 children)

Hope this is okay to respond but as a father to an adult daughter I have thought about this a lot. Our daughter is married, empathetic, and simply a nice person (also a productive member of society) and I think some of that has to do with how I made a concerted effort to make sure my relationship with her mother (my wife) was healthy. I treated my wife how I wanted my daughter to be treated, with respect, dignity, love, kindness, humor. All of those ways we want to be treated ourselves.

It wasn't all roses though for sure. Sometimes it was hard and we fought like normal couples do and all that but we worked to get on the other side of those times. I made (wife did too) an effort to not carry contempt toward one another for too long. Limit the smart ass comments. No name calling ever. Try not to let contempt be in the tone of our voicees when we were fighting. We had or developed over time some ground rules for our marriage that engendered respect even when we were pissed or hurt and stuff. I think ensuring our kids saw that people can be humble, admit wrong, apologize, and then move on trying to be better sinks in.

It seems perhaps corny and maybe weird but I stuck with it and she grew up to be a great person. Sure she's got her flaws and her challenges but she is a really good person at heart, and has a great relationship with her husband and with us. She's tender toward animals and and toward genuine people and, maybe most importantly, she doesn't play the victim. It's neat to see. I like to think some of that is because I worked hard to be a good father figure. But I the eve of mother's day in the US it's also important to admit that her mom played a critical role as well.

So congrats on being a father. Yes, it is a weird and magical bond between my daughter and I. I think what she was looking for in her committed relationships was rooted in how her mom and I communicated and how she witnessed our relationship as she grew up.

[–] derivatives_are_hard@lemmy.world 2 points 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago)

Expand expand and expand...expand on the back of the fleeting interest in Sim racing during covid hoping sales keep climbing and people are lining up to give money any anyone who makes Sim racing gear becusee "muh..max and George and Lando muh racing online".

Then hope that sales climb to overcome the mountain of debt that just keeps accumulating. Couple that with already making a marginally reliable set of products in the years leading up to thr great opportunity.

So you're right, fucking mismanagement and short sightedness.

Their shit can't get any worse with corsair making it.

For the run of the mill person who won't spend a premium for higher quality product, it is ALWAYS a race to the bottom on price of mediocre goods. That means commoditizing everything that goes into the product becuase you can only squeeze profit from cheaper input costs when your target market won't pay premium.

Same. He's pretty hit or miss. Like Tom Waites, for me, in a way. Some breathtaking songs but lots of mediocre stuff.

Didn't bother me when Samsung went to usbc only becuase now I use my DAC all the time for my wired headphones and haven't looked back (audioquest dragonfly and shure se425). No longer as big of a deal as I originally believed it would be, in fact I use the DAC more often now than I did when it was mostly in my laptop.

[–] derivatives_are_hard@lemmy.world 2 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. Boatman's Call seemed like a solid album and mostly unweird, if not kind of cheesy. But his other stuff, earlier and later feels off. I imagine that's blasphemous to a proper nick cave fan as BC was likely more mainstream and all that but it was nice, lovely, and at some points thoughtful.