TheCriticalMember

Huh. 🤔 Big points for flipping my perspective! The only action I'm planning is to spend as little time as possible near my mother in law. My wife is everything to me, her family are nothing.

Pretty much hit the nail on the head there boss. No matter how hard I try I can't accept the ignorance excuse after what all of us have seen. Earlier this year I said to my mother in law "surely you knew at the time that you were doing the wrong thing?" She denied it. The best approach for me is to be around the MIL as little as possible. My wife knows that. It makes her sad, but she understands.

It's neither, she prefers to not address it at all. I don't, but I think that's too close to giving her a pass. I've already left the handling of her family to my wife, they all know where I stand. I was more curious about the ethics, from a purely academic standpoint, of me continuing to get angrier at these people over the consequences of a choice they made almost a year ago.

That's how I intend to approach it, during the times when I'm unable to just not be around her.

Excellent reponse, and sounds a lot like one side of my internal debate. On the one hand, since we moved away the only family she's got left are welded-on republicans. But on the other, she's been around for the last decade, and not knowing what she was voting for has to include some portion of wilfull ignorance. My wife knows how I feel, because she feels the same. She's just very conflicted because she's always been incredibly close with her mother, and severing family ties isn't something she would ever consider possible. I intend to spend a lot of time in my home office during the next visit, and my wife knows that now.

I immediately like and respect you. But there is some nuance. It's not so much "letting her into my home" as it is "not preventing my wife from seeing her mother." I've been preparing my wife for me to not be hanging out with them like I used to, I'll be somewhere else or hiding out in my office.

I guess I should have been a bit clearer, but I was genuinely academically curious to know whether my increasing anger is legitimate. The general consensus seems to be it depends on their level of remorse (if any) over their choice. And that makes sense. From what I saw during this year's visit, the MIL would just like to ignore all of it, but I don't think that's ok either. Fucking trump!

I'm definitely planning to not be around the MIL much. I have a home office to hide in. I've briefly considered taking a weekend camping here or there, but that would hurt my wife as camping has always been an us thing. But when I say she stays for an extended period, I'm talking multiple months in a normal year. Guess I'll just install some computer games! 😉

I'm like you, my first obligation is always to my wife, that's the promise I made. But it's never tested my principles before. I've already decided I'm just going to be scarce during those times. There's been a lot of good advice here, but I was actually more interested in what ethics scholars would say regarding me feeling angrier as time goes on. The targets of my anger haven't done anything more to deserve additional anger, it's the consequences of what they did that continue to make me angry....

She does love Reagan... 😆

Grit your teeth and roll up that rock, Sisyphus. Calm arguments and facts, tackle the ball not the player

Uggggh! That's haaaaard!!! But solid advice.

I LOVE this idea. I'm doing it! I think a trans pride flag would look great on my back porch!

I've been gently easing the missus into the idea that I'm not going to be hanging out with her mother if she visits again. I can tell she's conflicted, because on the one hand she's always been exceptionally close with her, but on the other she's just as disgusted as I am. I think we'd both be relieved if she just doesn't visit anymore, which seems like a possibility.