King_Simp

Idk. Is this depression? I'm not very good at figuring out what's wrong with me.

On the one hand I really like certain things about life. And I like having one. And I know I only get one. And I dont know what death feels like.

But at the same time, I'm so goddamn lonely all the time. I'm so useless and I really can't feel like I can change that before everything goes to shit. I'm a shit person. I dont deserve to live more than so many other people who have died. And it just feels like no matter what I do that it's all going to end up the same way. So I just don't feel like there's any point in doing anything.

I'm trying where I can. I really am. But I feel so trapped and so alone. Sometimes I feel like it'd be better to stop wasting my time and everyone else's time and just skip to the conclusion. But no, I'm too much of a coward to do that either

I'm being hyperbolic, but after watching videos like this one (https://youtu.be/kya_LXa_y1E) or this one (https://youtu.be/6HlCfwEduqA) I really felt the frustration of having people who don't know what they're talking about come up with garbage theories or horrible explanations or complete misinterpretations and then having to do triple to work to reexplain everything because of that. Cause that really is the marxist educator experience where it's like "no, the labor theory of value doesn't mean that if you take two hours to make the same thing as the guy who made it in one hour yours is more valuable. No, trading with others is not capitalism. No, marx/lenin/stalin/Mao etc. Didnt say that. Etc."

(Shoutout to my physics nerds)

I'm not really serious since this is very specialized and hyperspecifuc, but I found the topic interesting after reading Kit Chapman's Superheavy (it's decent, and probably better than just reading the wikipedia articles, but nothing groundbreaking). But if there is anyone who actually has a wider opinion/experience on the subject then I wouldn't mind hearing it.

I'm fine with some drama, obviously. Someone obviously enjoying what they're talking about or talking with some gravity about serious events is fine. But if you're just yelling at me all the goddamn time I start to get a headache.

Like on youtube. There's two channels that do HEMA, one is one guy with glasses gently and calmly explaining whatever topic it is. Sometimes he can get snarky, but he's never loud, melodramatic or demeaning.

This is in contrast to another channel with two other guys who are basically constantly yelling. Not like, screaming, but yelling. They are further away from the camera so I understand, but they can honestly get really annoying after a while. I get it, xxstoopidcommenterxx said something stupid, but I dont need you yelling at me and talking to me like an idiot in kinda baby-talk like voices.

It's a poltical thing too. I like Bes D. Marx and Hakim a lot more than, say Hasan or Bad Empananda. Not just because the first two are generally more intelligent and coherent, but also because Hasan and BE are very melodramatic while Hakim and Bes talk to me like I'm a normal person rather than yelling at me. It's why I could never really get into Johnny Harris even when I was a turbo lib and didnt question his shit videos, because he's soooo melodramatic. He'll be like

"I Just found this THING that is just jump cut So crazy rapidly flashes through a bunch of black and white photos AND you've just GOT to see what it is because ITS SO INSANE"

Like dude, I have a longer attention span than you. I don't need you to talk to me like I'm not going to take you seriously, or that I'm going to click off because there's no subway surfers gameplay.

Look, I know there are a lot of people who like this style, evidently, but for me it's honestly just very tiring.

So I'm trying to listen to the Yale Open lecture on their MUS 112 course. However, intermittently there's just ear splitting static noises which have no warning or disclaimer. So I'm trying to work while listening to it and every few videos my eardrums get violated for no reason. (First example is about 7ish minutes into lecture 3). Like goddamn how difficult would it have been to just audio mix those sections to be quieter?

[Talking about american university] It's wierd. I'm not entirely lost as to what I wanna do. I know I want to do some kind of engineering (maybe urban affairs if I go crazy), but idk what I want to do specifically. Currently I'm tagged as Civil, but I've only done a couple classes exclusive to civil so I can still change it.

Honestly, I want to work in automation (i.e, making those dark factories in china that have been posted here on Lemmy [not that specifically but the same idea]) but people are not very helpful as to how likely I could do something like that or what degree I should get in relation to that.

My main 4 rn are civil, mechanical, electrical and industrial (although industrial is harder because id have to transfer universities). So anyway, just wanted to see if anyone here has any experience relating to this and wants to give any advice, and people here are usually not as judgemental as they are on reddit and this requires less commitment than scheduling an advisor appointment.Thank you in advance

Also Blake Shelton is to country what Pitbull is to rap. I hate him and I hope he swallows his own tongue

Inside I found this kinda odd bed exercise pamphlet for (I think) elderly people. I hadn't really thought about it but now I really wonder who I bought this from. I got it used and don't know them at all but i really wonder how long they had it and why they decided to sell it. I'm really grateful obviously since all of Han's works are out of print, but it still makes me wonder.

(P.S, is Han Suyin's work respected within china? If not what are the biographies used within China for Mao and Zhou Enlai domestically?)

(P.P.S, can't attach image since it's too large somehow:p)

Tbf I am reading China's Economic Dialectic rn and goddamn is it dense (for good reason)

So like, obviously it's fair to still be mad about the Armenian genocide or fall of the USSR. So I'm more looking for little things most people ignore but You're hung up on for one reason for another.

I.e, my salt would be

● EA buying the developer of dungeon keeper and turning it into a crappy mobile game (I know someone made their own version like the old ones but still)

●In fact actually just the fact that big studios bought up a bunch of immersive Sim IPs and then killed them, either remaking them worse of draining them of all their original charm (Deus Ex, thief, prey*

I know prey got a good remake but that was 90% unrelated to the original prey and Bethesda got that by specifically killing the company making prey despite the fact that they had a functioning product)

●Subscription services being everywhere

● JJ Abrams in general and his stupid mystery box specifically

●Disney in general, and that their live action remakes are such a hit despite being so garbage

● The really annoyingly pervasive idea that a writer is in conflict with their reader and needs to beat them/not care about them (i.e, Emil Pagliarulo's paper airplanes, Steven Moffats obession with besting the audience in his Sherlock remake, Alex Aster's obsession with trying to make sure people won't predict her twists in her Lightlark series, etc.)

●The fact that I'm always told to "just use uber" when I say I don't like having to drive when it's both stupid expensive and the company is the bane of my existence

●Philanthropy

(Yes part of this post was just me venting, sorry)