Ask Lemmy

*cue Mulan Make a Man Out of You song

"We choose to do things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard."

"If it hurts, it means that it grows"

Come hang out in !hopeposting@lemmy.world

Listen to this

Get prehistoric, go full barbarian, hulk it out, become psychosocial.

I'm going to analyze this assuming you're more manly than not, since that's where my experience is at.

Emotions are separate, related issues that can be tackled just like a man can. A therapist with "Men's Issues" experience knows how to frame the woo and abstractions of regular therapy with more actionable techniques. Someone with very intense or inappropriate emotions may need to face the emotions MORE than the problem at hand. There are techniques and viewpoints to be understood, and I had to use these myself.

It's stuff like simple facts about emotions. They exist. They influence your actions. They can be modified and analyzed. They need to be managed like an adult manages a child. Ignoring emotions can compact them into deep seated hurt that induce more emotions. Process your past to free yourself from that hurt. It won't be fast, but it needs to be done.

If certain situations that cause emotions can be avoided, do so when reasonable. If they cannot be ignored, recognize that external help through tools, techniques, and friends are not weakness, but the weapons you use to to fight your battles. Forgive yourself slipping while always focusing on the output. Learn to cry, and know how it makes you more powerful and strong.

Notice that this is closer to "wise old karate master" or "Boy Scout Scoutmaster" talk. It's what men crave but rarely find in popular media. IF the person does not have issues with their emotions and have a sufficiently sized ego, pulling them through the first steps of anxiety and hesitation is enough to make someone feel competent and secure. Positive visualization, goading their ego, pushing buttons (gently), it's good for many men but not for all of them, and it just doesn't translate to a lot of women. Expand your arsenal of emotional management for your target audience. You're a good person for wanting to find a better way to help others.

"Fucking pretend you know what you are doing." Always seems to work. Feel how you feel l, and don't shame yourself for fear.

Lets do some wild improvisation!

It promts me to a) just fukkin do it and b) not expect perfection

Grit your teeth

Stiff upper lip

Sisu

Many ways to articulate this

GSD - Get Shit Done

When someone says “Somebody should….”

Remind them we’re all somebody.

Stoicism

I tend to think of it like a personal trainer, "push, you got this, one more rep". More positive and gender neutral.

My usual is: Can't stop, won't stop!

It's weird that I was thinking about this just yesterday. I concluded there isn't much good way to make it not sound like an insult, but you could make it less about gender.

Things like "Don't be a baby." Or "Don't be a scaredy cat." Because it's often just fear holding someone back that elicits these phrases, and I do feel that encouraging people to push past fears is a good thing overall. There just aren't any established phrases I could think of that would work the same way without also making the one saying it seem cold.

Reminds me of a short YouTube recommended to me here. In the second part, it talks about a guy who just tells himself “FORTIFY!!” As a similar vein, it’s pretty funny.

"Grow up".

I try to think about how happy and content Future-me will be once the job is done. I confirm the accuracy of this thought to myself by thinking back to how it was in the past when I completed some task that was difficult for me. So I think of an experience where I realized in hindsight that it wasn't actually that bad and that I was worrying for nothing that I might somehow fail. And even with things that ultimately didn't go well, I can still reassure future-me that there was no need to make a big deal out of it, because even my failures have lost their horror over time; for example, embarrassing moments at school, awkward dates or bad presentations at work. All these things are just water under the bridge or at best even funny when I think back on them today - and that's how it will be in the future: as soon as the job is done, I'll be alright, regardless of whether I succeed or not.

https://www.knowol.com/knowledge/theodore-roosevelt-fearless/

There is something of a line between self-care and self-coddling. This is an example of active self care. Sometimes feeling better is a matter of building resistance to the desire to administer convenient but less enduring instant self gratification.

Maybe conceive of it as refusing to spoil your inner child who operates emotionally and not logically?

"You'll feel better once you go through" IMO fits rather well what OP is asking for. Specially for self-advice.

[mini-rant] People, stop assuming random orthogonal shit into the left-right axis. Seriously.

I can get why "man up" would be typically right-winger due to the sex-based stereotypes. ("Rather curiously" not mentioned by anyone here, right?) However, doing it directly with the "fuck your feelings" is stupid. [/mini-rant]

Don't be such a pussy, pussy, You a damn pussy.

https://youtu.be/DgvGIjzRMWk?si=cqjLrlnM-vxovWCD

Time to shine? There's always old mate at work who has a good one-liner. "The shit jobs are the good jobs" (everyone knows it's a rubbish job so they'll cut you some slack) "Sometimes your the fuckor & sometime your the fuckee" "Weeeel, that's a shitter" "Maybe kick this one back to the brains trust" And so on

I think the fuck your feelings is part of its effectivness its a reminder they dont matter in the face of the problem and you must work past them. The whole arrogent right wing thing well do u want to change your language to accomodate such people changing what words mean?

bro down, dude