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The original was posted on /r/maliciouscompliance by /u/Public-One3608 on 2025-10-31 03:57:52+00:00.
I have just found this Reddit and realised I have to tell you about the biggest plonker I’ve ever met!
Around 15 years ago I worked on a sales team and we got a new manager, Kevin. No one warmed to him. From day one he strutted in like the second coming of Wolf of Wall Street minus the charisma. He couldn’t go ten minutes without reminding us how incredible he’d been at his last company. Apparently he smashed targets, broke records and worked his way up the ladder faster than anyone in history. If his mouth had a Fitbit it would have hit 10k brags before lunch, the man didn’t stop talking about himself, and made no effort to get to know us (the team).
At his first sales meeting he opened with a monologue about his greatness that could’ve qualified as a Ted Talk titled Why I am brilliant and you’re not. Then he laid into us about our sales figures. We were OVER target, but according to him, we weren’t “aiming high enough.” We were a pretty nice and upbeat company, so there were lots of raised eyebrows and WTF shared looks, like how do you bollock a team who are airways over target? Then he was so full of himself he actually said - I could hit that target on my own. So if you lot can’t smash it as a team, something’s seriously wrong.
One of my bolder colleagues said, Wow what a fun and educational idea! Let’s make it a competition, you versus the whole team! Everyone clapped and shouted a hell yea. Then as if fate itself wanted to join the fun, our director heard the commotion and walked in. My colleague announced Kevin’s going up against the team this month to keep us motivated and show us how it’s done! The director agreed it was a great idea!
The first week of Kevin vs The Entire Sales Team was like watching a live action version of David and Goliath, if Goliath was a middle manager with anger issues and David was literally everyone else.
Kevin strutted in on Monday like he was about to deliver a masterclass, but didn’t achieve a single sale, or the next day, or the next several after that. Meanwhile, the team was having the time of our lives. Even our new starter, Jonathan, a sweet, nervous lad who’d never done sales before, was outselling Kevin by week two. Every time Jonathan made a sale, the office would erupt like he’d scored in the World Cup.
By the third week, Kevin had entered what we’ll call his tantrum era. Phones were slammed. Headsets were thrown. At one point he even dramatically announced this system is rigged! Kevin didn’t make it until the end of the month, he left because he was “pursuing other opportunities,” which we all understood to mean fired for being spectacularly bad.
My colleague was right though, it was so fun and very educational, in our mutual hatred for Kevin, we worked harder than ever and smashed all previous sales records in company history, which felt extra satisfying being as this was Kevin’s main brag. I looked him up on linked in recently and his bio reads - World Class Sales Director, open to new opportunities, which I think probably means unemployed for being spectacularly bad and still full of himself, so it seems he didn’t learn much at all.