I know exactly what he's talking about.
this post was submitted on 26 Sep 2025
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Just speed up until you are level.woth them, match your speed, and hold their hand. Worst case scenario, you don't have to worry about them anymore. Best case, new best friend!
Yesterday I was stuck behind a very fast walking woman... who was walking her dog. She'd slow down to nothing when the dog needed to sniff something, then speed way up when the dog was done. Her v(max) was higher than mine, but her v(min) was zero, leading to a v(mean) that was slightly slower than mine. So, I'd keep on catching up to her and having to wait until her dog was done sniffing at something. But her dog didn't take enough time to justify my walking around her.
It's the worst. I had the same thing happen where I'd almost overtake a guy but he'd suddenly start walking again, multiple times
As you get closer, drop a bone so the dog is occupied for a long time.
What do you mean you don’t carry bones around?
We all carry bones around at all times.
You should have v(amoose)'d her out of the way
Imagine giving a fuck about walking next to strangers
If you're close enough to be in each other's personal space, then the sidewalk is narrow and you'll be blocking traffic going in the other direction if you try to overtake.
This message was sponsored by the Ministry of Silly Walks
Not as bad as when a small woman crosses the road to end up walking right in front of me and then proceeds to be visibly uncomfortable at the fact that a large man is walking right behind her.
Even better, when I cross the road too as courtesy so that I'm not behind her, and she simultaneously crosses back across the road because she was uncomfortable, then notices I'm behind her again and thinks I'm following her.
I moved from a huge city to a smaller city, and sometimes I miss the huge city because nobody really gave a fuck who was near them on the sidewalk because there were always other people on the sidewalk. People perceive others so much harder here and while the social discomfort it causes me isn't nearly as bad as the fear of assault that small woman might have, it still gets exhausting.
You just need to reassure them that your intentions are pure. Whisper "I ain't gonna kill you." When you get nice and close
Tip from person with short legs: if someone is walking faster behind you, move to the side and slow down to let them pass at their speed. You're welcome fast walkers.
This only works if the other person has situational awareness.
That rules out...nearly everyone
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In German, when two or more trucks overtake with very slight speed differences like this, they call it "Elefantenrennen" or "elephant racing". Bit of a disrespect to elephants if you ask me, snails would've been more appropriate.
haha, we have the exact same phrase in the states. not even just similar, it's literally called an elephant race here too.
makes me wonder what country started it. or maybe they just look so much like elephants racing that multiple languages have like convergent linguistics.
like carcinification but for the phrase "elephant race"
When I looked up the article on wikipedia I found it in my language as well (Danish) but I've never really heard it said out loud. To be fair, I don't drive at all, so that's probably a big reason as to why.
I had no idea that people put this amount of thought into walking.
Not as annoying when you're a fast walker, but they guy behind you is only 90% as fast, but decides to take your walking as a challenge and just follows you across campus for no apparent reason and you're just wondering why someone is clearly following you.
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I was in this situation once, I went for the pass, it was taking too long to pass and I noticed they were also speeding up, so I pick up the pace and start the jog and they did the same we started to get into a full sprint. It went on for a while until we got to the corner, he went left and I waited for the light. Never saw him again. To this day I'm not quite sure what happened.
Worse, the slow walker that takes up the whole sidewalk (weaving back and forth) while wearing earbuds and then act upset they didn't hear "Excuse me" 3x when you push past them
Toss a banana peel in front of them
If you call out "On Your Left!" they usually speed up.
Alternatively, scream "PARKOUR!!" & do a somersault past them. This usually stops people in their tracks.
This is the worst on the highway. I have my cruise control set to 65 in the right lane. I come up to someone going 60. No worries, I'll pass them on the left. We can each go our own speed, that's why why have two lanes. No need to make a big deal about it.
Except some people, especially men with tiny dicks in giant trucks, get unreasonably offended about a woman in a small sedan daring to pass them. So when I try and pass them going 65, they also speed up to 65. If I say, "fine, I'm happy to ride behind you if you're going 65," they go 65 for a bit and then slow back down to 60. Just passive aggressive bullshit.
In this situation, I resolve it by moving to the left lane, gunning it to 80, and leaving the tiny-dicked man with the giant truck firnly behind me in the rear view mirror.
People driving in the passing lane triggers deep rage in me...
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Video game escort quests.
Or follow. But don’t follow too closely! But don’t get too far away! Oh suddenly he jumped into a fucking speedboat. He got away. Restart?
My personal psycho take, just slow down a bit, don’t rush all the time
It somehow feels physically exhausting to intentionally slow down below my normal walking speed, because then I notice what my feet are doing instead of it being automatic.
I can't be fucked to find the graph but it's true. The relationship between speed and exhaustion is highly asymmetric, going 20 % slower than your default walk is much more tiring than going 20 % faster.
It actually makes intuitive sense to anyone who hikes. Walking slow is like hiking downhill. You're fighting your body's natural cadence which requires extra energy that doesn't go anywhere useful. Going faster also uses extra energy but it's largely "useful" energy that spares steps. The extreme version of that line of thought is that I can run 10 km but not crawl 10 km.
Also fast walkers tend to... walk a lot, it's a virtuous circle. It's fine if grandma does a lap around the mall at 2 km/h, but I've been walking all day and I have more places to walk to afterwards and I ain't doing all that at crawling pace.
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What about when that person slowly gets into your lane against the wall/road instead of walking straight.
What I do is tailgate them until the last second then suddenly press Nox to pass them on the best side, and bye bye.
Ah yes, the slipstream method.
Try having short legs. I think I'm walking fast and a short woman waddles by me at twice my speed...
Get into this situation, I pass the dude.
Second later I get to the door but because of how it is placed and how close he is, it would be rude to swing it open and run in. So I open the door for him and let him go first.
He says thanks, I don't respond and proceed to look annoyed against all my best intentions.
:(
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I feel this more when I am on the highway at the speed limit and a car ahead of me is going 5 under it.
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How about: pass him slowly and maintain eye contact the whole time.
Take longer steps my friend, Less is more and you look like you're someone of importance.
I've read more than once that the key to walking faster is taking shorter more frequent strides. Feels weird to me but apparently works for others
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