this post was submitted on 04 Sep 2025
373 points (99.2% liked)

Not The Onion

17933 readers
1867 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

cross-posted from: https://discuss.online/post/26399428

Florida is planning to end all vaccination requirements in the state, including requirements for school children to get routine childhood vaccinations that protect them and their communities from severe and life-threatening diseases, such as Haemophilus influenzae type b (Hib), pertussis (whooping cough), diphtheria, measles, tetanus, RSV, and polio.

top 42 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Evil_Shrubbery@thelemmy.club 9 points 20 hours ago

Not the school shots I would assume they would tackle.

[–] quick_snail@feddit.nl 7 points 21 hours ago

I stand with polio infections /s

[–] ImgurRefugee114@reddthat.com 99 points 1 day ago

I'd like to congratulate drugs for winning the war on drugs, terror for winning the war on terror, and disease for winning the war on disease. We've truly outdone ourselves this time. What an impressive lineup. A round of applause, ladies and gentlemen.

[–] Diddlydee@feddit.uk 34 points 1 day ago (10 children)

How Americans aren't leaving in droves I'll never know. Absolute shithole dystopia.

[–] ScoffingLizard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 20 hours ago

Nobody want us. Immigration is very difficult. You have to be rich or have some sort of unusual leverage (like skills that are in demand).

[–] quick_snail@feddit.nl 4 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 1 hour ago)

We are.

My friends who didn't leave yet are at least in the research phases: applying for visas, or contacting grandparents and collecting documents to facilitate getting citizenship in other countries

[–] kerntucky@infosec.pub 70 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Most of us are living paycheck to paycheck and can't afford to move.

[–] KingOfSleep@lemmy.ca 54 points 1 day ago (1 children)

What country would take us?!

[–] kerntucky@infosec.pub 31 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Exactly. It not just about cost but availability too. Anywhere worth living is going to have strict immigration requirements.

[–] NoneOfUrBusiness@fedia.io 17 points 1 day ago

I suspect that the standard for "worth living" is going to decline very much very fast, but yes.

[–] justme@lemmy.dbzer0.com -4 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago) (1 children)

Moving doesn't cost more than a flight ticket, the question is more if you find a job in the new location. Just, if the US is really in such a bad shape as it appears, it might actually be easier to find a decent job somewhere else. Lots of countries around here are desperately looking for labor.

May I ask what is your profession?

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 1 points 20 hours ago

May I ask what is your profession?

tiktoker

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 1 points 20 hours ago

What's the over under on Smith doing this in Alberta within a year?

[–] LucasWaffyWaf@lemmy.world 19 points 1 day ago (1 children)

What queer-friendly country would be willing to take in an impoverished disabled person with PTSD?

[–] quick_snail@feddit.nl 0 points 21 hours ago
[–] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago

the ones that can often are. it's not particularly easy.

[–] NoneOfUrBusiness@fedia.io 16 points 1 day ago

You know how refugees and asylum seekers have to make insanely dangerous journeys in order to reach places where they can actually survive? Yeah turns out that's not because there's a plethora of options to choose from.

[–] violetsoftness@piefed.blahaj.zone 12 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] quick_snail@feddit.nl -5 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago) (1 children)

Is that what your ancestors said when the immigrated to the US? Nah

I don't understand your point

[–] atzanteol@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 day ago

You offering your couch and sponsorship?

[–] MisterNeon@lemmy.world 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Where would I go? Who would take me?

[–] quick_snail@feddit.nl -2 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

Mexico and Canada are both pretty close.

[–] MisterNeon@lemmy.world 6 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

The Americas are not the E.U. You have to be approved to immigrate to Canada & Mexico unless you want to over stay a visa. In spite of my love pre-contact indigenous history of Meso-america my Spanish is garbage. I don't qualify for refugee status.

[–] quick_snail@feddit.nl -2 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

The US is a fascist country that is kidnapping people. You might, indeed, qualify for refugee status.

[–] MisterNeon@lemmy.world 1 points 20 hours ago* (last edited 20 hours ago) (1 children)

The qualifying part is just factually wrong. The other part is up to a new host country to decide. I haven't heard any opening the door to throngs of Americans.

[–] quick_snail@feddit.nl 1 points 1 hour ago

Under international law, no. That is not how it works.

[–] not_that_guy05@lemmy.world 24 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Can we just build a wall around Florida and let the ocean fuckin take it?

[–] jewbacca117@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] not_that_guy05@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago

What did South America do to deserve that?

I said let the ocean take it swallow it up and all. Make if the fakelantis for all I care.

[–] PattyMcB@lemmy.world 18 points 1 day ago

Headline: Florida man identifies as petri dish

[–] futuresdumb@piefed.social 18 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Should we pay teachers enough to live?
Nah, lets spend our time infecting kids with unnecessary diseases.

-- Florida politicians, probably.
(The future is dumb)

[–] deacon@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago

The present is pretty fucking wack also.

[–] Reverendender@sh.itjust.works 20 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] dhork@lemmy.world 11 points 1 day ago

"Yeah, but only the weak ones...."

[–] TommySoda@lemmy.world 19 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I was hanging out on some conservative forums when the news came out and almost universally people were pissed saying it's an overreaction to what they call the "overreach during COVID." And I'm sitting there reading these comments and thinking to myself that these people are so anti Democrat and anti "woke" that they seemingly have selectively forgotten that this is exactly what people were warning them about. They were legitimately surprised that this has happened and were in denial that this administration would do something like this.

These are the people that we are up against. They are ignorant and so angry at Democrats that they will literally forget that they were warned about this exact scenario. And the reason I bring this up is because they are ignorant, but they are not universally stupid and can actually think for themselves when given the chance. And we should use opportunities like this to educate them instead of saying "haha you get what you voted for."

[–] theuniqueone@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Is any else worried a form of bacteria has figured out mind control and has infiltrated our government to weaken it for its world domination plans?

[–] onslaught545@lemmy.zip 2 points 1 day ago

It's the lizard people. They're immune to our diseases.

[–] the_tab_key@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

Basically the awesome show Braindead.

[–] radix@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago

If humanity wants to live on another world, we will first have to terraform it to suit our biology.

Likewise, in order to spread, brain worms would need to find a suitable host to terraform the rest of the species they want to inhabit. They should encourage unhealthy behavior, sow distrust in science, and be in a position of authority.

Hypothesis: RFK Jr died years ago, and is being controlled like an undead meat puppet by brain worms looking to conquer earth.

[–] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago

Yet another conservative trying to rewrite the history of slavery.

"Ladapo exclaimed, "Every last one [mandate] is wrong and drips with disdain and slavery."

Yeah I remember Harriet Tubman railing against the tyranny of the MMR vaccine.

God where do they find these absolute fucking morons

[–] motor_spirit@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago

Humans yielding power to bacteria is quite noble