Can run as fast as albert einstein, but don't actually take the pill. Use it only when you or a loved one is immobilized by old age or injury. Nothing to lose, even if its a bogus '0mph, he's dead' pill.

I feel like everyone is underestimating 5. It's any toaster. Make a killer robot that happens to have the ability to make toast and you've got a remote control death bot.

I'd make a whole set of devices that happen to also be toasters. Why not add some heating elements and springs to an elevator, a car, a plane?

1. Sheer horror. You'll never be able to eat these again.
2. This has been brought up before. Gravel isn't cheap. This is basically infinite money.
3. If used continuously, you're basically The Flash.
4. Just a bad idea unless you can put it inside your existing nose for double the sniff-sensitivity.
5. Okay, that's just fun.
6. Again, used continuously, this is the fountain of youth. You'll still die of old age though.
7. Only useful under very specific circumstances. Also, define a "container".
8. Unless the Khitan civilization knew things we don't, this isn't useful at all.
9. Fast as he is now or when he was alive?

Toss up between 3 and 7 for me, though the gravel one could have some niche uses.

TP can be abused pretty easy if there's no physical impact on my body for doing it repeatedly.

7 would be really useful for those games where you have to find the ball under the cup. You can instantly tell if you’re being swindled, and always win.

Are these one time use? Like you gain the ability to talk to oysters forever? Grow a new nose as many times as you want? Or talk to oysters for 5 minutes and one extra nose?

1. Become a water quality assessor with instant and accurate data on pollutants, if there are invasive species, whether or not there are pearls present, and any other information oysters can offer about the environment.

2. Instant paving/gravel business with a huge profit margin compared to competitors.

3. Depends on the locus of movement. If 7” only, like a quarter step in any direction, kinda useless*. If moving your entire body 7” away from it’s previous location, good for theft I guess if the barrier is less than 7” thick.

*if you can “spam” the 7” movement rapidfire with no speed limit, you can travel as fast as you can wherever you want in a “stuttering” teleport.

4. Useful to someone disfigured, lost one to skin cancer or other issue.

5. Depends on what you limit a toaster to and what constitutes control. If you can control any facet of any device that heats the interior for purposes of heating the contents to a specific temperature, then this is really powerful. Engines “toast” fuel. Kilns “toast” everything from carbon fiber to ceramics to tempering glass. You now operate the only successful fusion reactor on the planet. The ability to control the specific heating of any material in an enclosed environment would have wide application.

6. Spam it.

7. Catching smugglers? If a container that should be empty isn’t, you can’t see in it.

8. Get your name in the history books as an expert on the peoples and culture surrounding the language.

9. If you were a paraplegic this would be life-changing.

Running as fast as Albert Einstein would be a considerable improvement.

Teleport 7 inches only because doing so in quick succession could look really funny

7 is actually useful? I don't understand the debate

Toaster control for sure. After selling my robot toasters as a cheap way to communicate with satellites, I'll command an army of them all over the solar system.

1. breed oysters > profit
2. sell gravel
3. still prob useful if you chain teleport real fast?
4. why
5. must be a job somewhere for you
7. can instantly tell if a container isnt empty, work in customs or something?
8. doctorate in archeology
9. albert einstein when? now? yikes, when he was young? depends on your relative age and physical form

#7 Can instantly see inside any empty container

Everyone that watches Love Island and won't shut up about it are now transparent

Control toasters, duh. I'm gonna survive the AI revolution

I will take 5 please, nothing more frustrating then the toaster misbehaving!

I'll take 7 for sure. Now it's time to consider "what defines a container?"

Alternatively 2 or 3 depending on how the gravel is delivered and/or if I can chain teleport.

Considering how my driveway gets completely washed away any time it rains, I'm going with #2 no questions asked.

Don't even have to read the rest of them, gravel is expensive!

Teleport how often?

Gotta go with 7 here.