People Twitter

Its sad how well this life-hack works, until it doesn't. IME, of course.

If anyone figures that one out, please let me know.

I'm so tired of being tired for things that I need or want to be awake for. Work presentation? can't sleep. Road trip? can't sleep. Concert? can't sleep. It's not even always negative anxiety: That thing I'm excited about tomorrow afternoon? up.all.night.

I can self-medicate to a degree, but even that is hit or miss. I used to caffeinate myself to get through these, but have cut things like coffee since the pandemic and now only very rarely use them.

Dropping them sounds like a surefire way for figuring out which is which.

I don’t mind the word. Its more specific. People can still get things done, but they may be things that give them a dopamine hit like completing a personal project or finishing off the final boss in game. It doesn’t get things done that deal with adult responsibilities. Further many of us suffer from mild mental health challenges such as ADHD and various locations on the spectrum so there are very real challenges beyond just “one’s attitude towards work”.

I have Autism, and I've lived with people with ADHD. Its been a mixed bag in terms of roommates for me between NT's and ADHD, but I've literally had 3 different roommates who used the world "Adulting" and every time they've ended up just letting something go, waiting for other people to clean up after them literally or figuratively until they hit a breaking point.

The three roommates I've had who all used this god damned word:

One college roommate who was fond of the word constantly just let things fall apart. My anxiety over things domino-ing into my life consistently had me trying to hold things together that really wasn't my responsibility but his. And he took advantage of that. Maybe not always consciously, but even if he wasn't doing it on purpose he certainly did not seem to feel any remorse for stressing me the fuck out and guilt tripping me when he constantly asked for my help for basically everything.

Filling out financial, government, and school forms, cleaning his own goddamned room so it did not produce a horrid stench in the rest of the house, calling to have his car towed so it could be fixed because he neglected it's basic care and then expecting me to drive him to work. He did have ADHD but I've met other people with ADHD and when they fucked up they tried to make up for it. He did not give a fuck. Everytime I asked for rent was a dice roll as to whether he'd whine a little and then pay or yell at me and tell me I was a greedy asshole and that I had plenty of money and he was poor so I should dip into my savings to help him out.

One was a drug user and alcoholic and at some point stopped paying rent entirely and may have been secretly trying to sell drugs online using our fucking address. When another roommate agreed to pay for a bus ticket back to their home state to their Aunt's place he threw a hissy fit. We both had to help him pack. He said I was "selfish" for kicking him out and that I wasn't willing to help him more.

Another that used that word, moved in and then insisted that I had the best room and that I was "privileged" for not letting them have the room because she was "going through a rough time and needed their privacy and space". My room was in a far corner away from other rooms and was indeed the largest and honestly I was ambivalent about the room itself, but I had already been living in the room and had no time to just stop what I was doing and move it all for them like she seemed to think was my duty. I told them I was planning on moving out soon and they could have it when I left, that's when they called in in the middle of my work shift and started trying to actively lecture me about my privilege for not doing it immediately and I hung up on them. They also threw a hissy fit and started telling the other roommates random lies about me trying to get them on her side. The remaining 4 months I lived there she paid her rent portion late every month.

Oh, and when she found out my room got terrible AC and heating because of bad ventilation she stopped wanting the room. Their privacy and space suddenly stopped mattering.

They all lamented having to do "adulting". Maybe its a coincidence but man I'm not getting fooled a forth fucking time.

Now, when I was younger, when I fell into my obsessive autistic spirals I too became irresponsible about everything I wasn't obsessed with. The difference was I actively prevented others from taking on my mess because I have a sense of shame and responsibility. I'm talking about people who essentially just repeatedly let me take care of their problems once they discovered I would. And usually the reason I'd help them was because I needed them to not fall into a rut because I lived with them and split rent with them.

Its okay to use the word “adulting” to recognize efforts that need to be undertaken to take care of your adult responsibilities. This doesn’t mean that someone can be allowed to simply delegate their own adult responsibilities on others using this word.

Its "OK" to use the word, but red flags are raised for me when I hear it because of my experiences. And often the "delegation" comes in the form of shaming others for daring to have their shit together and not helping them in their sorry state. Its rarely direct, it is usually subtle and insidious.

Having your own living space is wonderful! Its also a good test to know if you have all the life skills you need. I am hopeful you can get this soon.

I am looking forward to it. I'm pretty old for it to be my first time. To be honest though I do worry that I'll become even more lonely. Roommates aren't all bad, it is nice to have someone to socialize with after work right at home. And unfortunately I wont be bringing my pets with me due to various complications, they're going to live with my mom nearby.

I do worry I might miss socializing with people living right at home, though I intend to just leave my apartment frequently and invite people over. We'll see, maybe I end up hating it and try and roll the dice with roommates again.