chapotraphouse

bit idea: all the explain-joke reddits are replaced with a bot that returns "sex" to all submissions

literally how is it possible every post to those subs is just jokes about sex, you'd think some people run across niche memes like about geology and actually need an explanation at some point

I don't want to make its own post so I am posting it here. Something about this gives me hope and calms me down

It's always so awkward going to the Home Center when buying small quanities of lumber that are too long to fit in a standard shopping cart. You gotta grab one of their special lumber carts and I just feel like I look like an idiot wheeling one of those around when I've got two boards on there.

I mean, no one's ever, like, made a snide comment or given me a weird look or something (well, not for that reason, anyway) when doing this, but it's one of those things where I feel like there's some secret more dignified way to do this that people just aren't saying.

Torn between my desire to cook good food for the people and my desire not to work any harder than the bare minimum if they're going to keep up with this "no taking food home" bullshit

Every time I walk my dog, after the halfway point and we start heading back to the house she starts reeeeeeeally taking her time, sniffing every little thing, walking as slow as she can and trying to take every single turn. It's cute that she doesn't want the walk to end but dam girl I need to get home.

After my workout today, I kind of realized that I finally have reached the “otter” class of male body types. For straight people, imagine a twink but somewhat older with body hair (some muscle and/or chub is optional.) It’s kind of one of the less regulated terminologies but it’s roughly the “true neutral” on the twink, bear, hunk axises.

Good shit, I want more muscle and to see abs, but I’m getting there and I think I look pretty good. My only “fault” I give myself is being skinnyfat, but that can be solved by keep doing what I’m doing.

Takeout was slightly wrong and burnt and now my mind doesn't want to eat food even though I'm hungry

Joe Biden

ughhhhhh I gotta drive home and it's gonna take two hours fuuuuuuuuck

Realizing one of the reasons I have such a hard time finding emojis on here is that if I see a reaction image a lot ill think Ive seen it as an emoji and get confused when I cant find it

I fucking hate Smogon and the council. I play Gen 3 OU on Pokemon Showdown, and for some reason the people in charge of banning things are just so far up their own asses that they're looking at banning a legitimate strategy (speed pass) but are choosing to have accuracy lowering moves not banned for some reason. It's so uncompetitive. I've been getting shit on all night by the most annoying strategy ever and for some reason the council members laugh at the thought of banning it, and will do everything they can to try and keep it in the game even though only people who want to fucking ruin other people's nights use this bullshit strategy. What the fuck.

And I rarely get heated over online games, normally I just take my Ls and move on because I'm not that good, but holy shit there's nothing I can do about these dumbass sand attack users, it's like you just instantly lose the game to the most ridiculous bullshit imaginable

weekends are a scam

you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious

i already fumbled an email lmao

We always forget that another city got buried that day too - Herculaneum.

IMPORTANT QUESTION PLEASE ANSWER WITHIN THE NEXT FIVE MINUTES

if sour cream doesn't smell off is it generally good up until the best by date even if it's been opened?

Im heating up a bbq pork and black bean risotto flauta from last night and a little bit of crema would be like sex on my tongue

Why aren't you self-actualizing?

i am already stressed out just seeing the amazon connect and twilio shit please send help

it is august 18 and stalin saved the world from fascism

I wish I weren't so afraid of spiders. There seem to be more & more appearing in my house every year, probably because I neglect the yard....I can deal with daddy longlegs chillin in their corners, and like the super itty bitty ones that are the rice of a piece of couscous but ANYTHING bigger than that.....I just CANNOT. I get goosebumps just thinking about them

My cat seemed to have killed one that was probably larger than golfball sized while I was gone. I would have withered away if I saw it alive. I also hallucinate the feeling of bugs crawling on me so once I think of them I cannot stop feeling them on me.

Satellite says theres a fire detected upwind of me, I check it out and its coming from a landfill / dump (most likely burning trash.) At least 20 points better AQI upwind of the dump than the area where the wind is dispersing the smoke. 🤦

Triggering my own rejection dysphoria by worrying about the possibility of needing to cancel plans for next weekend apropos of nothing but my own neuroses about whether or not I'll have the energy

they should make league of legends 2 that's just league of legends like i played it 10 years ago where i can play old taric and old gangplank and old nunu on the dominion map

that awkward moment when you've been at work all day, was late getting home bc you had to go to the store, then piddled around "working out" (posting on the shitposting site) and now you got an hour before bed

I'd like to apologize in advance for something:

I started playing Deltarune, I'm doing chapter 4 now,

Now my thoughts are of those of sans deltarune

So any deltarune emojis are from my current lapse in judgement