Ask Lemmy

masculine is specific, do you mean as earning a muscular body, some people only feel good if they have attractive body.

The biggest thing that helped me was art. I've played music most of my life, and made the decision to move out to a city with a great music scene 4 years ago where I knew nobody. It took me 3 years of exploring open mic communities and such for me to finally find the one for me. Built up an amazing friend group from there and I feel so emotionally and artistically fulfilled now! I was so lonely those first 3 years, but the second I found my people it was night and day. I think the best thing everyone can do is hone in on a hobby you love and connect with the community surrounding it if you can, sometimes the hobby can be enough too though!

I learned to be comfortable in my own skin by my late 20's. I realized that my interests and hobbies might not line up with everyone else's, but that I could prioritize my own wants and desires in a way that was both true to myself and could make my life easier.

Career wise, I bounced around with different fields and employers between about 5 cities in my adult life, before I found a role in my mid 30's that really fits my mild ADHD, where my strengths (good research and writing skills) are helpful and my weaknesses (absent mindedness, inability to sit still and focus on a single task for more than half an hour at a time) don't matter in this position.

Socially, I made lots of good friends in my 20's and 30's, and have a diversity of different types of friendships. I have a few groups of fun friends that I like doing certain activities with (one set of camping/hiking friends, another set of skiing friends, a bunch of groups of dinner party/dining out friends, a bunch of neighborhood parents for hanging out with in kid friendly places). And between some of the individual friends, some are great for emotional support when going through tough times, and I try to reciprocate when they're going through tough times, too.

My parents had church, but I'm not religious anymore, but I still try to build that level of regular in-person contact with the same people through my other recurring meetings: a designated weekly kids night at a neighborhood pizza place, a monthly happy hour with a group of friends that I work near but not with, rotating dinner parties/backyard BBQs with another core group.

And in my early 30's, I met a partner who just gets me (and vice versa), so we got married. Our quirks complement each other, and we can cover each other's weaknesses. I love parenting with her, and our household just works really well. We make each other better, and that has generally translated into building up strong foundations for relationships across both friendships and our professional networks, so that we are both in a good place socially and in our careers (which has helped our respective incomes skyrocket since we've met, so we're basically rich now).

Not everything is sunshine and rainbows, but having a good base helps getting through the tougher experiences that life inevitably throws our way.

Found someone I love to spend my life with and give me something to strive for.

Becoming a father at 28, after realising that is what I want from life; going deeper into the realm of love, wanting to live out the unconditional, unfaltering love for my own offspring. Finding the perfect person to go down that rabbit hole with, getting married, and less than a year later we have our first child.

It was all so easy and natural, made manifest by two people sharing this simple dream. A solid foundation was cast, I got to see firsthand that I can do this just as good as I hoped.

Something also happened before in my mid-20s. I was on a bit of a blue streak. Ended up taking an introductory course to zen sitting meditation. Two sessions was enough. Realised there's a photocopier in my head that spews out thoughts, some of them ugly. I couldn't turn it off, but I could refrain from reading the papers. Found inner peace right there and it has stuck.

I'll let you know as soon as I do.

Mainly self-delusion 😌

Started taking my meds

Just don't die and get old

On the fulfilling community aspect, I found that at my Unitarian Universalist (UU) church. UU's don't believe in a shared religious text, instead they have a core set of shared values. My church has people who identify as atheist, Christian, several types of pagan, Buddhist, Jewish, Muslim, etc. We celebrate religious holidays from all of them as well as secular holidays like Trans Day of Visibility and Earth day. The focus is on being together and trying to make the world a better place. I also really like the music program. There's a handy website to find a congregation near you, many stream services on Zoom so you can test them out before going in person.

Spending copious amounts of time thinking while out hunting or fishing.

By having a massive schlong