Microblog Memes

Exactly, when I tell my therapist about the funny things I learned about psychology, it's just me saying stuff that I know now, how I think it's cool, and asking for further information. I'm well aware that he already knows far more on the topic. If you're explaining it with a tone of "you fucking idiot woman, I'm educating you", then that's mansplaining. Another important possibility, is just phrasing a question as a statement for clarification. Think of how a waiter will repeat your order back to you at a restaraunt. I do the same thing when I learn about a new concept. I repeat back what I think I understood about something to make sure I got it right. Tone is very important. If I don't sound like I'm trying to be a dick to you, then I'm probably not.

Yeah the intention is far easier to sus out when it's in person, especially with a known person. I'm a woman and I have ADHD and I do this to my husband all the time.

My partner has taught/trained me to ask "would you like to hear more?" before I info-dump on him.

Example: Me: "at work today I've been playing around with configuration settings for Primo VE, specifically the search scopes... Um... would you like to hear more?"

Response: "I'm glad you have an interesting problem at work and no, no thank you."

I've had this experience before. I was excited to talk about what I learnt whilst volunteering for a war museum, and wanted to share my excitement with people. Got accused of Mansplaining. It really was upsetting, since I was just talking about a lovely experience and didn't want to upset nor offend anyone...

I am very guilty of asking people if they know about something then telling them anyway.

Too many cases of people confidently telling me they know about computers, point to the monitor and tell me it's a CPU, then proudly call the computer under their desk the hard drive. The only reason their "CPU" won't turn on being they need to press the power button on the monitor.

As a fellow autist, but also a cis woman person, I think there’s a genuine and clear difference between the two, but.. I viscerally understand infodumps when the other person already knows..

You gas yourself up so much to share the thing and they are like.. mmhmm. Deflation city. And it’s hard to stop yourself from sharing your own personal understanding of things with people, even if they can correct you, which you hope they will do if you are wrong, omg that would be amazing!

That contrasts so hard with the condescending “I know more than you” attitude. Because the things those dipshits pick to harp on are usually the more superficial aspects of the thing.

Like that’s nice, I’m glad you know the specific term for the thing, genuinely, now let’s proceed from our mutual understanding and iron out the details together!

But that’s really different from someone who talks over you, is wrong, won’t be proven wrong, don’t care or know all that much (like dunning kruger sort of thing)

Infodumping male here, I generally do it because in my mind context is important to make sense, and of course I do it regardless of gender. It honestly feels like a detriment, as I feel myself taking too long, but don't really know how to shorten it. I do it when explaining issues at work or when talking about stuff I like etc, but have audio has times where I tried to be brief then got the wrong info across or forgot to mention something important or just right make sense. It's like I can't find the right balance between explaining and dumping.

I didn't find this post as an insult or anything though.

I had a woman at a car service counter take in my car once. She was dressed nicely and clean so of course I assumed she only did paperwork.

I treated her like a human. Explained my car symptoms and where I think the problem is. (Car electric went nuts and lost power steering when i hit a puddle.)

Holy crap she knew her stuff. I mentioned it felt like the alternator wasnt performing right and undervolting, but since it's only when driving threw a puddle it had to be a component siezing and pulling on the accessory belt. She agreed that's a good place to start and ran through all the bits in that system as well as thier diagnostic steps planned.

I figured she knew about cars but it felt like she was a full on mechanic and was the manager dressed up.

Info dump goes both ways, men usually info dump about things, women info dump about people. Its echoed in men vs women photography of trips also. Men typically photograph things (here's a car/bike/castle I saw), and typically women photograph people.( here's me and my sister, here's a court yard with people dancing)

Imagine going to school for years and years. You have your doctorate. You're in the field for 10 years. You work in field that is 93% male. You find a new job, good pay and reputable. The boss on the daily explains things to you. Some things that are just basic science and not even directly applicable to your work. No other new hires get these interesting and informative chats but what a coincidence, all the other new hires are men. I never called it "mansplaining," it's just sexism. One cute word doesn't capture the malice that is often behind it and makes men who view themselves as harmless defensive. Of course there is pointing out systemic sexism that is ingrained in natural behavior but its important to note the difference in a simple conversation and singling out a woman to explain something while assuming she doesn't have anything in that pretty little head of hers. Personally hence, I've noticed it used most often when the woman you're targeting is smarter than you and this is a subtle power play to remind her of her place.

Bingo, every fucking time. I'm literally just sharing whats in my head. You know, trying to communicate like a fucking person? Sorry you took that as me thinking you were stupid. Because now i definitely think you're stupid.

As someone with friends and family on the spectrum, my best tip:

Take a moment to breathe when you've completed a thought related to what you're explaining, and look at the other person to see if they have information to share, questions, or just to express what they know.

This helped a few folks pace themselves, and the break for others they believe helped in not appearing condescending.

Hope this helps!

I think the insulting part of mansplaining is the assumptive nature of it.

This can all be avoided by a soft check before explaining something, rather than assuming a boy/girl/chimp wouldn't know the first thing about welding/cooking/crochet/throwing feces.

Whenever I have the urge to info dump about a topic I'll probe with a, 'You may very well know more about this than I, please let me know before it becomes tiresome.' 10 out of 10 it works, and usually both of us learn something.

They're good dogs, Brent.

I would, of course, mistake the condescension for genuine and sincere interest. I have found a nerd buddy. Once I'm done dumping, you can dump on me. This is so cool.

Oh wait... You're being mean. How heart breaking. I'll go climb into my little dark hole.

Fr. Sorry that I have 30 years of experience in this area and have observed that you are making the same fundamental errors I made when I had less than 30 years of experience in this area. Fuck me for trying to help, I guess.

Gender wars stuff is the worst. I would be in favour of it being banned.

That's always been my issue with this whole mansplaining shit. Like yeah, it is a real thing that exists, but it very quickly just morphed into "a man (whom I didn't want to talk to me) told me something" most of the time.

You're right. The behavior really should be called "non-consensual info-dumping". Furthermore, people should ask first and only proceed to 'splain away if emphatic consent is given.