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The original was posted on /r/maliciouscompliance by /u/Ancient_Educator_76 on 2025-06-17 17:00:29+00:00.
What's up, party people? Some simple MC here from the Meat and Seafood department of your Arizona Hometown Grocer.
An old lady, a customer who insists to me that she is "a regular", even though I've never seen this particular septuagenarian before, starts spitting (quite literally) vile filth at me from the very onset of our interaction. It's like a bad movie about a dyslexic meat guy who has a healthy dose of ADHD.
"Do you work in this dePARTment? I thought you were new you might be new, so I'll say this as slowly as I can... I need dover sole!"
Okay. Sure. Coming right u-
I need FOUR PIECES!
As I'm starting to pick the fish I realized that both the dover sole and the rock fish are in the same row, and I originally thought four pieces was only three. I tried to explain this to her, but to no avail she doesn't understand displacement theory.
"I NEED. FOUR. pieces!!"
Okay, enter MC
I don't know where she thought I was going to magically find an additional dover sole filet, but I decided to work my magic.
I weighed out the three pieces, printed the sticker, took the pieces to the side to be wrapped, then sliced one filet in half. I then put it back on the scale so she could see.
"Four pieces, right?"
The crazy thing is that any time I take a knife to a piece of meat/fish at the customers request, regardless of the reason, I had to enter it as a choice cut. When i reweighed the whole thing I knew it was going to be more money for the same amount of fish.
It was literally double the price.
She walked off with her seafood, looking like Bert at the end of any Bert and Ernie Sesame Street episodes, with a "womp womp wooooooomp" coming from a nearby trumpet.
TM;DR- There was an old lady who swallowed a fly. She insisted on paying more for the same amount of fish.
updoot:
Here's what I do when I write: I have my phone and whenever something I think happens that's a good MC I type it in my notes on my phone. I've done that for like four or five things lately. i haven't posted in a while, this happened a couple months ago. There was more too it than the just cutting the third piece of fish in half and charging a fee for cutting and she gets four pieces yadda yadda... she was super funty to me, like big time. so I was like oh yeah we're making you a story... even though there really wasn't much happening except that... so yeah this one sucks azz in comparison to what I usually write. The good news is I just wrote one that I feel passionately about where the head honcho wants the deli department to write down where they go and when and why and be "specific". I had fun with that one.
Usually my upvotes are in the 90% but not this one... my bad. :)