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The original was posted on /r/maliciouscompliance by /u/West_Bike6088 on 2025-06-03 07:30:58+00:00.
So a few years back, I had an American friend visit the UK for the first time. Lovely guy but a bit loud, very confident, and full of opinions about how things should be done.
On his second day staying with me, he says something like, “Man, I love tea, but you Brits always make it too weak. I want a proper British cup of tea, strong enough to stand a spoon in. Show me how it's really done.”
Now, anyone who's grown up in the UK knows we all have wildly different ideas of what a proper cuppa is. Some like it dark and bitter, some pale and milky. But Dave was being a bit obnoxious about it telling me, a born and bred Brit, how to make British tea. So I decided to give him exactly what he asked for.
I rummaged through the cupboard and found a box of Yorkshire Tea. Boiled water, chucked in four bags into his oversized mug, he wanted a real cup, not one of our tiny dainty ones poured the water straight over them and let it brew for 10 minutes. No milk. No sugar. Just black, bitter tannin soup.
Then I handed it to him with the straightest face I could manage:
“There you go, mate. Proper British tea. Builders style.”
He took a sip and immediately went red in the face. Started coughing like he'd just inhaled pipe smoke. “Damn, this tastes like a tree" he wheezes.
Well, I said, you did ask for proper British tea. That’s how me dad drinks it puts hairs on your chest.
To his credit, he tried to finish it, but gave up halfway through and asked for water instead. For the rest of his trip, he politely declined tea and stuck to coffee.