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I can see where your mom is coming from. She got cheated on and to her it looks like you still support him despite the awful things he did.
If he was Wifebeater and beat her instead, would you still support or "be friends" with your dad? probably not right? So why does Physical abuse cross the line but not emotional abuse?
....fuck...that is very hard. This is not your relationship, nor did you cheat, and their problems have now been made yours(ish). I'm sorry you're caught up in this.
That said, your mom raises some excellent points & personally I'd be inclined to live with her. She is correct. But we must also acknowledge that she is way too close to this situation & is blinded by hurt, rage; women are prone to making decisions based on emotion & not logic, reason. How much more when she is cheated on.
The fact remains, this man is your biological father. Personally, I think it is time to reassess the depth of your relationship due to his adultery. But to cut him out entirely, forever is kind of stupid, too. That is your father. You only get one father. Your relationship to him is different than your mother's relationship to him. You can distance yourself & react appropriately to his impropriety without...completely destroying the ties of family. It will hurt your father's feelings, and you know what? I think he should have his feelings hurt. A little. Understand, he threw your mother away, treated her very badly.
But what's done is done. This is the family you have now, and you have to decide what is right for you. If you don't leave your father & distance yourself at least a little, she's right, you do condone his actions & you're hurting your relationship with your mother. If you care about that. But I would keep those lines open, and your mother will fuss, but explain to her that is your biological father & you have made the decision to keep in contact with him. That is your right, as his child.
No you're not.
Cheating doesn't automatically make a person bad, it makes a person a human being. Mist people cheat, and I'd say that most "cheating sessions" happen without the spouse knowing. It happens and usually there are underlying reasons ranging from "he just really really likes sex" to "they never have sex together" to a host of other reasons. I don't think that the reason "he's an asshole" is the real reason, ever.
Having said that; even if your dad cheated just and only just because he wanted to be an asshole to your mom, that still doesn't mean that anything should have to change between you and your dad.
Your dad is your dad. Anyone trying to forcibly change that is raising a host of red flags.
I understand your mother feels hurt right now but if she isn't able to see beyond that hurt what your best interests are then maybe she is actually the problem, not your father.
Shitty men marry shitty women and have shitty kids.
Ah the circle of life.
We are talking about the OP. Don't try and make this thread about yourself.
Same
no.
You staying with your dad, at least in your mom's eyes, is you choosing the new chick over her also.
And if thats what you want to do, so be it. But you're actively choosing another woman over your mother.
Think of it like this: Someone was caught doing x. X being any deplorable act you wanna fit in there. Let's say being racist to the point of violence.
Said member of that race who you've hung out with comes to you, tells you what happened, and asks you not continue hanging with said person or else they're going to deem you racist too.
Although you don't have any racist views, and although that person has never been racist to you since your not that "undesirable" race, you continuing the relationship puts you in the racist category.
You could stop the relationship although it hurts. And in doing so you may even help the person learn the errors of thier ways, or atleast the consequences of their actions.
Or you can say nothing and allow the racist tyrad to continue.
Edit: I also want to say I'm sorry your in this position. It sucks you have to make this decision. And although its hard now, I hope everything works out in your favor in the long run.
Truly am sorry
Edit edit: yall don't love your mom's and have her back and thats just sad. Boo me all you want, but if either of my parents was to cheat I'd side with the other until the cheater comes back and apologizes like their the adult their supposed to be.
Hold people to higher standards, especially the ones that are supposed to be raising you