Asklemmy

I'm slowly losing the sense of belonging I had to my work. I'm afraid I'll never financially recover from it if I fully realize it.

My cat of twelve years died on my birthday. He had been sick with Triaditis for about 6 weeks and I had to feed him through a tube 3 times a day. Each time would take about an hour and a half.

He was getting better, too. Putting on weight, and ate his own meals for 5 days. But the E-tube got infected and so we took it out 2 days early.

He got home. He vomited. He stopped eating for two days. He started vomiting and acted in pain and so I took him in again. They discovered fluid in his abdomen. He was too skinny from his digestion issues for a further hospitalization and he was in pain.

He slept each night in my armpit with his head on my shoulder.

I worked from home before the pandemic, and so I was with him almost all of the time for his life. I loved his tiny 6 lb ass.

He was a bathroom communist. It could be 3 a.m. and I could check that he was asleep, and when I looked up from sitting on the toilet, the door would be slightly ajar and he'd be in front of me watching the door.

I miss you, little dude.

https://imgur.com/a/1A5PmTa

Gestures at the current state of America

The gnats inside the house.

Advertising and the stock market. Two evil controlling systems that systematically abuse humans daily. Fired, stock market. Some random dude got some absurd promotion to tank the company and ruin people's lives - stock market. Forced to watch advertising every fucking where you go... Ohh sorry someone needs to do that to make money so fuck you.

Family or rally any retired person who doesn't understand that you are working and trying to survive in this fucked-up word, and get upset when you can't take days off whenever they please, trying to guilty-trapping you or just being condescending about you being busy.

There was this client. Gut says she's bad news so I refused to work for her.

A couple years later she asks me again. She's friends with 5 of my other clients so fuckit, I take the job.

End up crawing under her 1962 house, drilling holes and running wires. Horrible job and a mild but lasting knee injury.

Always trust gut.

Discovered phone launcher I use (Ratio Launcher) got bought out by some shady company , peops who bought their lifetime subs now expected to perpetually drain their wallets to this company . Play store has so many 1⭐ reviews . Hate subscription models so much . At least modded APKs of it exist , where I would be without em

The absolute crap interfaces that are being developed for electronic devices. There’s no reason for them to be as bad as they are at this point. They were getting better and better going from say 1996 until about 2005. After that they just started dropping off fast. The last few years they’re just atrocious. And there is just no excuse. I know it annoys people when I say it, but as far as I’m concerned, the people who develop these interfaces, when they get up in the morning, they do lines of crack until their brains just about explode. Then they go to work and say this would be a cool idea even though the rest of the world looks at and goes. What the hell?

There’s no logic in the interface no common sense that you can use to use them.

And the target/hit boxes are becoming so small if you have any sort of muscular issue good luck on ever using it.

The developers, the executives the companies do not give a crap. Their attitude is if you don’t like it just buy something else. The problem : that’s the way it’s all being designed so you literally have nothing else to buy.

Then you have the consumers , their attitude is basically you have a choice. You don’t have to buy it. Which is a completely moronic statement.

My response is basically I’ve stopped buying things. Unless I absolutely have no other choice I just make do with what I have and the world go screw itself.

I watched my mom try to tap an icon on the screen seven separate times before it would actually activate. think about that , seven times just to activate whatever she was trying to touch. That’s stupid. So I literally knelt down right next to the table and watched herfinger very carefully, hit the screen and come up. The problem was her finger was moving by just a few pixels. So it was counted as a drag. Who the fuck thought that would be a idea? I mean, I could understand if you touch and drag, like a distance on the screen OK well that’s dragging. But that incredibly tiny amount? What jackass thought this was a good idea.? If your finger so much is twitches, it won’t count it as touch. It’ll count it as a drag and it won’t activate.

The banality of daily life as we slip into authoritarianism. None of this matters.

Insomnia.

I finally landed on a sleep pattern that (mostly) alleviates/prevents my chronic migraines and today I got all of 45 minutes and haven’t been able to get a wink since. Think Green Day’s Brain Stew.

Trying to keep my meds and routines as much as possible and hopefully stay up/sleep in to where I need to but I worry I’m screwed for the next week or so.

I'm scared that I'm developing tinnitus. It started in one ear a few days ago and won't go away. It's not getting worse, but also not letting up either. It comes and goes, but when it's quiet in the room, I can hear it clearly.

No particular event has occurred for it to start, sound wise. No loud things or blasts or anything. But I haven't been sleeping properly for a good week or so. I should try getting some proper sleep. Maybe? I dunno.

My grandma is basically deaf, and my mother's hearing got ruined when she was subjected to a house burglar alarm. Having bad hearing is not fun. I also love music and singing and such and I really don't want to get effed-up hearing. My coworker is also afflicted by tinnitus and has to go to coping therapy and shit. It does not sound like a fun time to have this continuing, or progressing. 😟

The end.

The obsession Americans have with acronyms. Some of them can have wildly different meanings depending on the context (MTG, CP), and sometimes even in the same context can mean different things and you need further context, like video game titles (DS, GoW, AC, SC).

My fucking Brain. I have severe ADHD, and difficulty understanding concepts that are even more than a little complex. I forget stuff so easily. I fucking hate it so much, it is massively fucking frustrating.

I have passion, time and a want to be better. But changing myself is like walking barefoot through a narrow corridor, shoulder wide and full of glass shards on both the walls and the ground. All the while I keep forgetting where the exit is, even as it is right infront of me. Things that should take normal people a day to do, takes me more than a month. I hate it, I hate that it takes me so much time. And only fear drives me to do things, WHY? Why can't it be something that I want to do instead of fucking fear. I fucking hate that. It's like my brain has some bottleneck that just can't be gotten rid of.

If I weren't lucky with my circumstances, I would have killed myself.

The constant barrage of unfortunate events.

Went through a breakup while unemployed and was facing homelessness since my cost of living practically doubled instantly. The cats were hers and I miss them every day.

Got a new job and my car broke down and died on the first day of work.

Trying to move to somewhere affordable but I definitely need a car for where I'm looking to go. Found a car but it's 5-6 months wait time for the factory order, so I continue to pay insane rent by myself in the meantime, and look for a used car to maintain my good standing with the insurance company.

Got a brand new bed a few weeks ago. Yesterday noticed ants climbing all over the wall right next to it. Luckily they weren't in the bed but I had to move it to an inconvenient spot for peace of mind, and worry about more ants coming back. There's no food or anything even close to the bedroom.

Every time someone moves out of this apartment building the new people who move in have multiple dogs. There are more dogs than people living here. They're constantly barking and howling and setting each other off and nobody does anything about it. I can't escape the noise anywhere in my unit.

I just want to get out and start the rest of my life in a new place already.

The limited Jewish support for Palestine in the NDG neighborhood highlights the diversity of opinions within the Jewish community in my experience.

Working from home. I hate it. If I had a family or a social life and a self-disciplined gym regimen, I'd be fine. But I dont. And I work for yanks, so my hours are all shifted to suit them.

I miss having a daily commute I could work a daily exercise into, colleagues I could passively chat to, social events happening around me.

But I dont. There are no other jobs, just yank work. I just wake late, sleep late, consume fast food, and work.

That for my entire life retirement age has not gone down, health care costs have gone up, and the hours worked per week haven’t changed.

I’m tired.

My ankle that I rolled in early December hasn’t healed fully yet Almost, but not quite