this post was submitted on 31 Mar 2025
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The Onion

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[–] Infynis@midwest.social 59 points 1 week ago (1 children)

At press time, McConnell planned to expound on his malevolent personal endeavors in the forthcoming memoir, “Human Impediment: Tales of a Worthless Life, Soon Forgotten.”

Absolutely savage. Hopefully it's also topical

Sounds like what his epitaph should read, and have it used as a public urinal.

[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 29 points 1 week ago (1 children)

In 2045 at the age of 103, Mitch McConnell somehow returns

[–] altima_neo@lemmy.zip 2 points 1 week ago

As president

[–] RangerJosey@lemmy.ml 13 points 1 week ago

He would. The old bastard.

[–] RustyShackleford@literature.cafe 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

My friend, Hank Hill will be flipping out. He built a home for Niefko and Alla Lubecki, with a highly virile friend of his, Dale Dribble.

[–] ZeroCool@lemmy.ca 9 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

~~Dale Gribble~~

It’s very disrespectful to mention his real name on the internet… He’s Rusty Shackleford. I would expect someone with your username to avoid such a mistake!

Dunno. In this day and age, it's possible he's attracted to Dale Gribble.

[–] ksigley@lemm.ee 4 points 1 week ago

Goddamn, that one got me.

Great work, @theonion.