this post was submitted on 04 Mar 2025
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No Stupid Questions
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No such thing. Ask away!
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The same thing that happens no matter what a groundhog does. Because groundhogs don't affect the weather.
Of course not. That would be ridiculous. Everyone knows they can only predict it.
Can I book you for parties? You'd be a great hit
I collect spores, mold and fungus.
Is this a line from Ghostbusters?
Ray, if someone asks if you're a god, SAY YES!
Bozo the Rationalist.
"Your parents are going to die one day, kids, and so are you! Now who wants cake?!"
Trump would blame the woke.
Apocalypse gestures broadly
That actually happened this year to the Punxsutawney Phil from... Tennessee I believe? Not the main one, but another groundhog event on the same day.
(A few moments later)
Looks like it was Kentucky. Link is pay-walled, but here it is if anyone is curious: https://www.courier-journal.com/story/news/2024/02/05/kentucky-groundhog-dies-groundhog-day-2024-major-second-chances-wildlife-center/72477815007/
It would be just as catastrophic as the last time this happened, when [REDACTED].
Nuclear Winter. It is known.
jealous, mostly
I bet that the particular universe where Phil dies just collapses on itself, killing everyone in the process. Thankfully so far there's always been at least one universe with a Phil that doexn't die
It's not often I prefer the typo over the correct spelling...
Doexn't? I don't get it....
Whoosh.
Yyyyeeaaah me neither
Bill Murray would become stuck in time, forced to relive the same day for what could be decades or centuries. Slowly he'd use this time to become a better person, a kinder person, a person capable of both loving and being loved. Ultimately, he'd find reprieve in the arms of his soulmate.
Phil, the goddamned weather hamster would still have six more weeks of being dead.
I seem to remember reading an article saying that they have to replace Phil often, and they're (the long line of Phil's) always in poor health, because they get fed and absolutely shit diet.
Easily could be remembering a figment of my imagination, and I'm too tired and lazy to look it up. So I look forward to someone with more motivation than me proving my remembering one way or the other.
The Pox Eclipse.
What if he dies via lightning strike?
Some kid in a shiny car and a hazmat suit turns up out of nowhere five seconds later and starts shouting and cursing into a bulky radio about having missed it to someone called "Doc".
They put in the replacement groundhog and try again, and give the late p-phil an honorable burial. This will happen as many times as necessary for as long as necessary.
A fur/stump time paradox would occur.
EDIT: Yikes! Hey, at least I tried. Not everyone can make cool meme pics.
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I like this joke.