this post was submitted on 07 Feb 2025
206 points (96.8% liked)

Not The Onion

13644 readers
641 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Nog00d@lemmy.world 103 points 2 weeks ago

That will surely bring down the price of eggs.

[–] flamingo_pinyata@sopuli.xyz 50 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

If I'm not mistaken he already started a fight against windmills. Paper straws must be an ally of that great enemy.

[–] hmonkey@lemy.lol 20 points 2 weeks ago

Lol Donald "Quixote" Trump

[–] kbal@fedia.io 43 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Wimpy effeminate plastic straws? Ha! Real men use metal straws. Tin/lead if that's all you can afford, or depleted uranium if you're a real player.

[–] conc@lemmy.ml 9 points 2 weeks ago

Ha! Real men use metal straws.

Specifically everbilt 3/8 in. x 20 ft. Soft Copper Refrigeration Coil Tubing!

[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 6 points 2 weeks ago

Asbestostraws. By men. For men.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] wildbus8979@sh.itjust.works 37 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (6 children)

TBH, paper straws suck. And not because they fall apart, which is annoying but not the end of the world.... But because they're full of PFAS.... Yeah, not fucking great.

Sources:

https://www.popsci.com/environment/forever-chemicals-paper-straws/

https://www.sciencealert.com/it-turns-out-paper-straws-might-pose-a-serious-problem-too

Part of me finds it sad that the "green" option is not only shit but actually worse.

The other part of me is laughing because that's the best snacking my doomer-ism has had for a while.

[–] Kowowow@lemmy.ca 12 points 2 weeks ago

I can't imagine normal plastic straws great for microplastics

[–] fitgse@sh.itjust.works 11 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I’ve never understood why we need straws. I get it for a milkshake but I don’t understand why a restaurant gives me a glass with a straw in it. Do people use straws at home?

[–] mearce@programming.dev 6 points 2 weeks ago

I'd much prefer to drink acidic or staining things through a straw. Orange juice, iced coffee drinks, soft drinks. The less those things pass over my enamel the better.

[–] wildbus8979@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

There's a few things, like you said some things truly do require a straw like a milkshake, or slushies, tbf they are "fun" even if that's not a great reason, but I think the real reason people got hooked on them is drive throughs, they are undoubtedly much easier when you are driving.

[–] guaraguaito@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)
[–] wildbus8979@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 weeks ago (6 children)

Bamboo straws are also often coated with PFAS.

[–] DrownedRats@lemmy.world 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] AtariDump@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago

Soda lime straws.

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] cheers_queers@lemm.ee 2 points 2 weeks ago

glass for me. that way i know they get completely clean

[–] Tikiporch@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

Agave fiber straws. Literally just like a plastic straw, no PFAs but I'm sure there some reason I'm not supposed to use them.

[–] CMDR_Horn@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago

I think a much more helpful replacement would be replacing the plastic tops with recycled paper tops.

[–] Stern@lemmy.world 31 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

He's just going right down the facebook boomer wishlist isn't he? Wonder when he's going to sign off an EO banning participation trophies.

[–] bhamlin@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

Nooooo, mi cheap gewgaw

[–] TokenBoomer@lemmy.world 28 points 2 weeks ago

He can’t even drink water with one hand, my money’s on the straws.

[–] Bytemeister@lemmy.world 20 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Paper straws are terrible. I feel like there should be more pressing things for the president to deal with than banning them though...

[–] Natanox@discuss.tchncs.de 8 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

This. There also are soooo many solutions to this "problem". I saw both reusable metal straws as well as single-use ones out of very, very hard pasta (fittingly in an italian restaurant). Got the latter with a coke (so lots of acid), it didn't change the taste of the coke in any way even after about 50 minutes of it standing around.

All those boomer fools crying over their plastic straws are either utterly dense or, more likely, full of propaganda bull.

[–] vithigar@lemmy.ca 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

The canteen at the Costco near me just got rid of straws entirely and uses lids made to drink directly from. Seems like an obvious solution to something that's barely a problem.

[–] Natanox@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 2 weeks ago

Straws do have their place of course; a common argument for them are seniors or those suffering from illness or disabilities. Pointing to metal and pasta straws is important to debunk the nonsense "but think about the…!" argument those crazy fools commonly use.

Of course 90% of people can just use something else like those lids, yeah.

[–] Rivalarrival@lemmy.today 18 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

That asshole better not do anything about the LGBT-Immigrant plot to melt the ice caps and flood Florida and Texas.

[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 8 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Part of me wants Trump to live long enough to see his tacky Florida golf course three feet underwater.

The other 99% of me wants him to die of leprosy.

[–] kreskin@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

Leprosy might be hard to arrange, and too slow. I just read up on it-- it can take up to 20 years after contact to kill you. Getting him some STD's or sending him a mountain of free mcdonalds to "share with his staff" might do the trick.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] cupcakezealot@lemmy.blahaj.zone 15 points 2 weeks ago

It's a sign of how weak and neutered he is that all he can do is nonsense executive orders that have no enforceability

[–] limelight79@lemm.ee 13 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Real problems finally solved. ✅

[–] Jimmycakes@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

I mean.... It kind of is. I'm pretty happy. I'm the dystopia we live in got take the small wins

[–] Blass_Rose@pawb.social 10 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Listen, I'm totally down for bioplastic straws. They've got a different texture and are far more brittle, but still compostable and lasts more than long enough for me to enjoy my drink.

I don't get why customers at my work hate them so much. To the point some will bring their own straws if we don't have the regular plastic milkshake straws. It's weird...

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Compostable garbage is still garbage. In a landfill it doesn't decompose properly and causes methane, which is worse than CO2.

Point is, the whole thing is stupid unless we do proper composting. So I kinda get byo-straws.

[–] Frozengyro@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

What about a noodle shaped into a straw? Even if you toss it out the window at least it's biodegradable.

[–] this_1_is_mine@lemmy.ml 3 points 2 weeks ago

Just hand out twizzlers for everything. Double points if you can bite the ends off and then jam it into the cup for the customer before handing it to them.

[–] Wispy2891@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Saw in an Italian LIDL, noodles repackaged as straws. Didn't try them but they should taste terrible, especially with hot drinks (and lethal for celiac people)

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] straightjorkin@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

You heard it here, throw your biostraws into a ditch!

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Yes!

Except most of those are only compostable in industrial compost settings. Side of the road isn't hot enough.

[–] straightjorkin@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

With climate change, it soon will be.

[–] KnitWit@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

For years my reaction to this has always been the same. Who uses straws?

[–] cheers_queers@lemm.ee 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

i use them pretty much exclusively but i have a collection of glass ones i reuse. i have a weird thing about drinking from an open cup so i always have a lid/straw.

[–] Plaidboy@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I have collapsible metal ones... I bet yours clog way less when you're drinking a thick smoothie, mine can be terrible. Are yours dishwasher safe?

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] HEXN3T@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 2 weeks ago

Straws are for iced drinks and some desserts. I need one often, either so I can have a milkshake, or I can drink an iced beverage without the ice slipping into my mouth.

[–] nixcamic@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

Ya ever go through a drive through?

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] kreskin@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago

Maybe we are playing this wrong when dealing with trumps troglodyte personal greivance focus. Lets tell him Kamala Harris really likes her handgun and practices all the time --and Trump will outlaw handguns and gun ranges.

Biden spent a lot of years being "personally against" reproductive rights too, lets ask Trump what he thinks of that.

maybe this is as simple as using the kind of logic you'd normally use in dealing with an angry todler.

[–] kikutwo@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Doesn't Don Jr. use rolled up hundreds?

[–] atzanteol@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 weeks ago

Not for drinking. That's for ... something else.

load more comments
view more: next ›