this post was submitted on 18 Sep 2023
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No Stupid Questions

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[–] CobraChicken@lemmy.ca 34 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I discover the crashed F35 in my lone walk in the woods. As I start to take it apart for parts, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Lockheed. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the feds come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of FBI. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Lockheed to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care, I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the F35

[–] aesthelete@lemmy.world 24 points 1 year ago

Trade it in for a boatload of pepsi points.

[–] sentient_loom@sh.itjust.works 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Two chicks at the same time

[–] bender@insaneutopia.com 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Thats it? If you had a fighter jet, you’d do two chicks at the same time?

[–] sentient_loom@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 year ago (3 children)
[–] e1219@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Well, not all chicks love fighter jets

[–] ArtVandelay@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Well, the type of chicks that would double up on a dude like me do

[–] sentient_loom@sh.itjust.works 0 points 1 year ago

If you don't like fighter jets then you ain't a chick

[–] FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

And it’s really hard to have sex in a fighter jet. It's not exactly a roomy interior.

For having sex, the best experience is a minivan.

[–] Ilovethebomb@lemmy.ml 6 points 1 year ago

Just a reminder, the last guy to fly it took the seat with him.

[–] Raxiel@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

Since it tricked the pilot into ejecting, I assume it's gone feral and is still buzzing around looking for a mate. If I didn't have a big net to snag it in, I'd have to build a wooden decoy or perhaps just leave a paddling pool full of jet fuel out in a clearing. I'd keep my distance at first and try to gain it's trust.

[–] jacktherippah@lemdro.id 3 points 1 year ago

Call Kenny Loggins.

[–] _haha_oh_wow_@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 year ago

I'd go to the beach because I am somehow in South Carolina.

Also, I guess call the USAF and report the location.

Maybe they'd give me a ride to the beach as a thank you...

[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'd steal the pilot SOB's glasses. So long, sucka! Nice half a jet you got there, corpse-looking bastard. haHAA

[–] Alexstarfire@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'd stare at it and touch it. I obviously can't fly one so it's not much use to me.

I'd take a picture cause no one would believe me.

[–] Obi@sopuli.xyz 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I've got like 50h in flight simulator, I'm sure I could take it for a spin, what could go wrong.

[–] Alexstarfire@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

First thing you do is hit the eject seat button.

[–] echodot@feddit.uk 2 points 1 year ago

Me? I would defect to Ukraine and really weird them out.

[–] FoundTheVegan@kbin.social 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Treat that mid thirties lady to a nice relaxing spa day. Somewhere romantic, lots of targets and no hard deck.

[–] Lolman228@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago

Invade Serbia

[–] bstix@feddit.dk 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Assuming I could figure out how to turn that thing on, I would definitely:

  • Take off
  • Go to maximum velocity
  • Burn out all the fuel
  • Acknowledge that I have no idea of where or how to land
  • Look for the button to the ejection seat
  • Glide down towards the equator
  • Eyeball the necessary altitude
  • Push the button
  • Pull the parachute cord
  • Flip both the birds
  • Land on a beach
  • Walk up to the bar
  • Ask for a beer
  • Run from the bill
[–] Ilovethebomb@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 year ago

This one doesn't have an ejection seat, remember?

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Is it wrecked or perfect?

If perfect: I'd totally try flying it. Probably crash, but it would be worth it to see how good all those flight sims where I've flown an F-35 stand up to reality.

[–] Pons_Aelius@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Is it wrecked or perfect?

The pilot ejected...so the first one.

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Scrapping it for parts. Though I'm not sure how to get in contact with black markets that would want the weapons. 🤔

[–] Dr_Cog@mander.xyz 2 points 1 year ago

The hard part isn't getting in contact with them.

It's doing so without also being tried and executed for treason

[–] teft@startrek.website 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Sit in the cockpit and make plane, missile, and machine gun noises since I don’t even know how to turn one on let alone fly it.

[–] snooggums@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago

Pretty sure this one comes without a seat, and the aftermarket prices are ridiculius!

[–] magnetosphere@kbin.social -1 points 1 year ago

Loot it for cool stuff, then just walk away and call nobody, because it’s not my problem. Calling someone would basically be volunteering for an interrogation. Fuck that noise.