Nothing funnier when hearing the players come up with the right solution right away and then immediately dismissing it.
this post was submitted on 05 Jan 2024
378 points (98.0% liked)
RPGMemes
10342 readers
30 users here now
Humor, jokes, memes about TTRPGs
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
Or my party, struggling with unlocked doors.
DM (later): "all you had to do was turn the fucking knob"
Are you one of those "how would you open the door?" kind of DM when players encounter an unlocked door and said they "open the door"?
Stop wasting everyone's time. When players said "we try to open the door", just say "it's unlocked and the door open" and move on. Stop the "you didn't say you turning the knob" bullshit. Do I have to describe I'm breathing every 2 seconds, too?
Me with enough Doritos and maybe a beer: Never, that's pedantic.
Other me: Roll a damage d4, you missed breathing for two rounds.
No, we're a bunch of dipshit players who just assume it's locked.
When I DM, I usually mess with them a little when they specifically lockpick all the doors. As opposed to your suggestion of just opening it.
My first ever time playing DnD, I was a rogue so I naturally approached every door with "can I try to pick it?"
Worst that happened was the DM describes me making an idiot of myself, twiddling with lockpicks for five minutes before noticing it's just unlocked :P
"Okay, you spend 5 minutes picking the lock, you hear a click. When you try to open the door it seems locked..."
It's only wasted time if people didn't have fun. And sometimes a bit of misdirection makes the actual challenges more fun, too.
I had a DM once, and they made a weird lake in the middle of the room that we were trying to pass through.
turns out, the lake was full of fish. specifically, herring. more specifically, they were red herring. boy, did we feel stupid after 20 minutes of that nonsense.
How exactly does that happen? Aren't most doors unlocked?
Though in all fairness, the one time I played D&D we spent like 20 minutes working out how to go through some small hole 70 feet up in the roof, before deciding to just go through the door that we all knew was there and unlocked.
The DM describes some fancy heavy door. Someone tries to listen through the door. Barbarian tries to bash it open but rolls a nat 1 and stubs his toe taking 2 damage. Rogue tries to pick it, rolls a 3 and ends up locking the door. Cleric doesn't even realize there's a door there. Lack of skill continues ad nauseum for 20 minutes.
Sometimes the players just forget to open the door. I was doing a one-shot with a friend, playing SW5e. He had opened a couple doors already, but this time he approaches and says:
Player: "I ring the doorbell"
GM: "You are met with silence. Nothing happens"
…
Player: "Helper droid, help me get this door open"
GM: "The droid approaches the door. He slowly turns his head and you feel his photoreceptors bore into your eyes. He extends a digit and, while maintaining eye contact, slowly presses the door open button. The door opens with a pneumatic burst. 'I am happy to problem solve for you, Master. Is there anything else you need me to do? Turn on a light, perhaps? Make stim tea? I do enjoy extending myself behind my core programming as an assassin.'"
Player: "'Shut up and guard the door.' I step inside the room, what do I see"
GM: "As you cross the threshold, two automated turrets drop from their enclosures in the ceiling. Surprise round, roll for initiative"
It was a fun game. For me
That droid have a little too much attitude and I love it.
I fucking love that the main Nemesis of the original Vox Machina was..doors 😂
Party once used a chime of opening after spending 20 minutes trying to open a door they had found the key to 5 minutes before.
I'm starting to think any ouzzle solved by looking at your inventory may just be asking too much.
Every fucking time.
Also with the justification: The DM wouldn't think that way.
I have layers dammit!
My favorite thing about being the GM is that sometimes you can just pretend you were going for the really cool thing your players just came up with all along.
Its one of the few wholesome times to take credit for someone elses idea and use/abuse it. Those are the stories to tell your players after the campaign is over.. hey guys so you remember when...... I had to throw out everything i prepared and make it up on the fly. Glad you allmgad a good time
"You see a warehouse in the distance"
"Is that like a Werewolf?"
"It is now! You are underleveled and overfucked!"
ED: You see a well groomed garden. In the middle, on a small hill, you see a gazebo.
ERIC: A gazebo? What color is it?
ED: [pause] It's white, Eric.
ERIC: How far away is it?
ED: About 50 yards.
ERIC: How big is it?
ED: [pause] It's about 30 ft across, 15 ft high, with a pointed top.
ERIC: I use my sword to detect good on it.
ED: It's not good, Eric. It's a gazebo.
ERIC: [pause] I call out to it.
ED: It won't answer. It's a gazebo.
ERIC: [pause] I sheathe my sword and draw my bow and arrows. Does it respond in any way?
ED: No, Eric, it's a gazebo!
ERIC: I shoot it with my bow. [roll to hit] What happened?
ED: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it.
ERIC: [pause] Wasn't it wounded?
ED: OF COURSE NOT, ERIC! IT'S A GAZEBO!
ERIC: [whimper] But that was a +3 arrow!
ED: It's a gazebo, Eric, a GAZEBO! If you really want to try to destroy it, you could try to chop it with an axe, I suppose, or you could try to burn it, but I don't know why anybody would even try. It's a @#$%!! gazebo!
ERIC: [long pause. He has no axe or fire spells.] I run away.
ED: [thoroughly frustrated] It's too late. You've awakened the gazebo. It catches you and eats you.
ERIC: [reaching for his dice] Maybe I'll roll up a fire-using mage so I can avenge my Paladin.