this post was submitted on 13 Dec 2024
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No Stupid Questions

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DISCLAIMER - I am not planning on fighting a pelican.

there's a brown pelican that hangs out on the railing of a very narrow portion of a boardwalk nearby. the only reason it makes me nervous is because it's huge, but their nails look short, and their beaks are pointed, but curved downwards so they would have to try to bite me with that long thing instead of pecking me.

like, if a bird capable of clawing or eating my eyes out attacked my face, I'd honestly have no qualms about killing it immediately. but if I ever get attacked by a pelican, it looks like I could just kind of hold it off without having to hurt it. am I right in that?

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[–] RogueBanana@lemmy.zip 25 points 1 week ago

Sometimes it's really refreshing to read shit like this and take a break from all the doom posts. Thanks.

[–] RBWells@lemmy.world 23 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Real answer?

Don't fight the pelican. The law is on their side, for one thing.

No I don't think you could hold it away from you without hurting it or you. No I don't think it has any intention of harming you, unless you are a fish. Walk on by, it will either just sit there or fly away.

[–] retrieval4558@mander.xyz 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Bird law in this country is not governed by reason.

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[–] theneverfox@pawb.social 21 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I wouldn't worry to much about pelicans. Fun fact - pelicans try to eat people sometimes. They basically try to eat every animal, because they have no sense of scale for their food they can swallow. And they don't risk much by trying - most large animals have the same incredulous reaction we do

They are not very bright birds nor very quick ones. They are also not very agile. And as a bird, they have hollow bones and you could kill them with a solid fist to the chest... I once saw the aftermath of two shin high dogs tearing one apart. On a small balcony. There was blood everywhere... The dogs were covered in it, completely uninjured and very pleased with themselves

I wouldn't worry, even if they have the sharp bits that could injure you, they lack the instincts to use them properly

[–] tilefan@lemm.ee 10 points 1 week ago (2 children)

there's a video out there of one trying to eat a duck

[–] Diddlydee@feddit.uk 17 points 1 week ago (10 children)
[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago (4 children)

And a pigeon. It succeeds in that one.

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[–] Boozilla@lemmy.world 17 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I have no idea, but I really hope some genius on Lemmy creates a simulation of this fight so we can all have a great time watching it.

[–] whodatdair@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

This is what gen AI was born for

[–] sturlabragason@lemmy.world 23 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[–] tetris11@lemmy.ml 10 points 1 week ago

Not many people know that even the God of War himself needs a wingman

[–] blockheadjt@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

AI still struggling with hands I see

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[–] LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 16 points 1 week ago (7 children)

Does the pelican have a gun?

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[–] luciferofastora@lemmy.zip 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Why is this comment section full of people ridiculing the question in a community called "no stupid questions"? Like, isn't the entire point here to be able to ask questions that you worry might be stupid without being ridiculed for it?

[–] pixelscript@lemm.ee 8 points 1 week ago

Every dedicated "ask questions" community I've ever participated in has had a nonzero amount of users who seem to only show up to bitch and moan that, shock! people are asking questions. I don't get it either.

[–] Jamablaya@lemmy.today 14 points 1 week ago (12 children)

you're a great ape somewhere between 150 and 300 lbs. It's a 15 pound bird. I'm sorry but this is embarrassing.

[–] nepenthes@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (6 children)

As a Canadian, have you ever met a Canada goose?

I feel you OP.

Also, telling someone they should be embarrassed because they are afraid or don't want to fight is toxic, although I guess maybe you are joking?

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[–] capital@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago

I’m a mediocre ape at best.

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[–] spankmonkey@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Most likely the worst it would do is some light scratches and bites, but that beak tip could tear up some skin if it scrapes across the skin like a box cutter knife. Those beak tips are surprisingly sharp.

But it would all be superficial from the claws and beak. The main danger would be from bacteria and other pathogens causing infections if those wounds aren't cleaned.

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[–] agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works 10 points 1 week ago

how badly could a pelican fuck me up in a fight?

DISCLAIMER - I am not planning on fighting a pelican.

there's a brown pelican that hangs out...

Poetry.

Actually, wait...

how badly could a

pelican fuck me up in

a fight? DISCLAIMER

.

I am not planning

on fighting a pelican.

There's a brown peli-

[–] DandomRude@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Can you please write a review on Google or something? I would love to know how you would rate the Pelican's performance in your upcoming battle.

[–] tilefan@lemm.ee 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

does the pelican have a business where i can leave such a review?

[–] DandomRude@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Maybe that one?

Edit: They promise this on their website : "We deliver award-winning customer service by empowering our people to recognise the needs of our customers".

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