this post was submitted on 03 Dec 2024
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[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 118 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Girls don’t break wind, they shatter it, and that’s why they’re breathtaking. That’s what my grandfather always used to say, until my grandmother stabbed him to death during a mental episode. Would have been funny if she suffocated him, but she didn’t seem to consider my need for irony

[–] EddoWagt@feddit.nl 46 points 2 weeks ago

This was not a comment I expected to read on this post

[–] whaleross@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago

Still a better love story than Twilight.

[–] latenightnoir@lemmy.world 33 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I hope it's because she ate an onion-heavy dish🥰

[–] Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] latenightnoir@lemmy.world 10 points 2 weeks ago

Onions are good AND good for you! Sure, they fuel a low-to-medium risk biological agent when digested in sufficient quantities, but it's still better than eggy farts!:)))

[–] zealshock@slrpnk.net 27 points 2 weeks ago

I wish she would come and fart in my bed instead

[–] Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zone 22 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I knew he was the one when we started laughing at eachother's nighttime farts.

[–] SkyezOpen@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

My girlfriend said she knew when I opened the shower curtain and used my dick as a catapult to launch water at her.

[–] Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 2 weeks ago

Relationship goals

[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 17 points 2 weeks ago

Like hell I’m going to let the girl of my dreams outfart me. The bedroom is going to be a hazmat crisis before I relent!

[–] bownage@beehaw.org 17 points 2 weeks ago

One time my wife farted herself awake, you can't not laugh at that

[–] qyron@sopuli.xyz 16 points 2 weeks ago

And that's fine.

[–] Mr_Blott@feddit.uk 16 points 2 weeks ago

Farting *then lifting the edge of the duvet for a quick huff

[–] proper@lemmy.world 12 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

you’d be noseblind after a while so go for it

[–] toynbee@lemmy.world 8 points 2 weeks ago

I have a deviated septum and therefore almost no effective sense of smell.

I have it on good authority that those around me have taken advantage of this on many occasions.

[–] aeharding@vger.social 9 points 2 weeks ago

The girl of my dreams doesn’t know how to remove oligosaccharides making food 🤔

[–] socsa@piefed.social 8 points 2 weeks ago

I can fix her

[–] Faydaikin@beehaw.org 7 points 2 weeks ago

I would be as well, but I have to settle for farting at work at this moment.