Asklemmy

Me and my gal do have a top/bottom dynamic but it's not very strong, like it's just flirting and foreplay.

There is no top or bottom when we do anything physically sexual, we just do it together and that's great :)

Kinda? It kinda permeated in through gay men, trans lesbians, and the kink community and developed a meaning of active partner with a dominant implication. So for example if I go down on my girlfriend before she returns the favor, it probably wouldn’t be called topping. But if I’m three fingers into a pillow princess as she calls me “Miss” you bet your ass that was topping. So it’s definitely more vibes based as versatility is assumed unless otherwise specified (and not being versatile is kinda rare)

It also can refer to who’s wearing the strap at the moment.

Hi! Not strictly a lesbian here but in a lesbian relationship. Yes, lesbians have top/bottom dynamics typically in the "one doing the action" vs the "one being acted upon" across various different acts. Most switch it up ("vers"), rather than identifying primarily as tops or bottoms. If you are strictly a top or strictly a bottom, you're described as "stone" as in "stone top" or "stone bottom".

Very important that these are completely different roles than dominant/submissive/switch, which are BDSM terms and describe a more psychological aspect of a relationship than the more physical top/bottom/vers.

I suppose this question better than the previous generation’s “So which one of you is the man?”

I’m very much a lesbian and can confirm we are flatlanders. I get left and right, front and back, but top and bottom? Completely foreign concepts.

Seriously though. It seems to me very popular among young lesbians to talk about tops and bottoms, but I’m a bit older (around 40) and that was never really a thing for me or the people around me.

the top is the one who has to go get the electrolyte water from the fridge when you're both out of breath

A lesbian couple on Twitch got asked who the top and who the bottom was. They said they switched.

No idea what that means mechanically.

Anecdotes okay? If so, read on.

So, I'm cishetero, but have been involved with gay culture in specific, and broader LGBTQ+ culture generally. I was also a beard multiple times over the years, including for a lesbian couple that ended up being a bit more intimate.

But, yeah, there's definitely dynamics with lesbians akin to top and bottom. Afaik, the terminology isn't used often for lesbians, but it's there in that regard too. Back in my younger days, an exclusively "top" lesbian was sometimes called a butch, whether or not they were butch in the more common sense if presenting in a more "masculine" manner. And, that was true of "bottom" lesbians being referred to as femme, even when they presented masculine.

Mind you, there was predominance of butch lesbians being tops in a sexual sense compared to being bottoms. It was fairly unusual to run into the stereotypical butch lesbian and have them not also want to be the more active partner, and even to the extent of not wanting any sexual acts being performed on them at all. By no means a universal thing, but it was common enough that people would be surprised when a butch lesbian wanted to receive head.

Being masculine presenting or feminine presenting isn't a reliable predictor of sexual dynamics, but it's not far off from reliable in my experience. Men and women, not just women. I'd say 8/10, the closer to a generic "masculine"presentation a person is, they're a top in the bedroom. Mind you, that's based on people willing to talk about such things fairly casually, which could leave out a ton of people that aren't that way, but just don't like talking about their sex lives in a group at work or party or other gathering.

The best lesbian friend I've ever had, that literally saved my life at least twice, was butch as hell. Flannels, boots, truck, went hunting, and mirrored male mannerisms with zero effort. But she was most definitely a bottom sexually. She would complain like hell that everyone wanted her to do all the work, every time, and all she wanted was some hot making out where the other woman was in charge, followed by "my pussy getting ate like a fat kid at a pie eating contest". She didn't mind reciprocating, but what made her most happy, most satisfied was being "bottom" in a sexual sense. But, being butch as hell, the women into her tended to assume she was going to be in control and be the active partner exclusively.

It seemed to me that the butch lesbians had a harder time with being stereotyped sexually than the femme/lipstick lesbians. It wasn't as big a surprise to people when a feminine presenting lesbian wanted to be the more active party, or to be in charge even from the bottom. Power bottom lesbians exist in the same way laid back tops do, though a bit more frequently from what I've seen and heard.

Yes, but less so than with gay men. A lot of lesbians won't identify as either, since penetrative sex is not super common with lesbians, but there are also some lesbians with a strong preference to either penetrate or be penetrated and not the other way round.

You might want to differentiate between Top, Bottom, Switch and Top, Bottom, Versatile, i.e. BDSM vs penetration positions.

I'd also say that this is less about physiology and more about the individual acceptance of the concept of position.

Top, Bottom, Versatile is not necessarily a queer thing, since (cis&trans) heterosex can have positions as well. That is to say, not all queer relationships regardless of gender follow the concept of position.

I've seen people (lesbians) talk about it, so I'm leaning toward "yes they can but not always", but I cannot give an authoritative answer as I am not a lesbian.

You'll find that in queer culture, there's not just top/bottom but a wide spectrum to define or describe preferences; I'm sure this all also applies to the BDSM world as well. There's a variety of tops and bottoms and preferences like Bambi lesbians who don't want sexual dynamics beyond cuddling and kissing.

I think in the second half you're asking whether butches are more likely to be toppy and femmes are more likely to be bottomy.

I think there's probably some positive correlation there but butchness and toppiness are distinct concepts.

what's a power bottom in lesbian?