this post was submitted on 20 Aug 2024
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[–] Aurenkin@sh.itjust.works 230 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Step 1: offer sanctuary

Step 2: offer citizenship

Step 3: conscript

[–] Railing5132@lemmy.world 93 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Step 4: get blown ta fuck by a fpv drone

[–] VelvetStorm@lemmy.world 43 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Step 4 a Ukranian solider will post that shit on the internet

[–] expatriado@lemmy.world 24 points 1 month ago (1 children)

step 6, sprinkle some sunflower seeds

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[–] gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 193 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Hey, if you and your buddies wanna go, Alex, knock yourselves out. Seriously: get the fuck out of here, because the vast majority of us hate you for being one of the worst calibers of human.

[–] expatriado@lemmy.world 96 points 1 month ago (1 children)

i heard refusing Putin offers is woke

[–] thefartographer@lemm.ee 55 points 1 month ago (2 children)
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[–] xmunk@sh.itjust.works 30 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Just a moment now - before he's allowed to go let's make sure we get all his money into the hands of gun violence survivors.

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[–] N0body@lemmy.dbzer0.com 112 points 1 month ago (1 children)

”[Putin’s] new decree blows the lid off the establishment's agenda, letting freedom-loving folks bypass the usual bureaucratic nonsense like language tests or history exams," Jones posted on X. "If you're ready to reject the insane policies of your home countries that push these destructive, anti-human, neoliberal agendas, Russia is rolling out the red carpet!”

Based and fuck off to Russia pilled

[–] kryptonianCodeMonkey@lemmy.world 101 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

”... bypass the usual bureaucratic nonsense"

Immigration laws? Quotas? Checking that they're not importing the "criminals, drug traffickers, human traffickers and people from insane asylum from those shithole countries"?

"like language tests"

"Speak 'Merican!" "Why should I press 1 for English!?"

"or history exams,"

"They come over here and don't even integrate to our culture, our laws and our history. They want to bring their own culture here and replace us"

I know it never stops, but even still this level of hypocritical entitlement still amazes me. Either way, can't wait for these Leopard Ate My Face posts.

[–] N0body@lemmy.dbzer0.com 43 points 1 month ago

Russia needs meat for the meat grinder. Putin is delaying sourcing his meat from St. Petersburg or Moscow for as long as possible.

[–] jonne@infosec.pub 24 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I love how the same people that call for tougher immigration laws are clamoring for looser laws in other countries.

You just want to go to Russia and live there without ever bothering to learn Russian? And you're not expecting any resentment to grow against those immigrants that just come and don't adjust?

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[–] Red_October@lemmy.world 99 points 1 month ago (6 children)

I hope they all agree and go in one big wave, because otherwise stories of the early adopters being conscripted to die in Ukraine might dissuade the rest of them.

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[–] zv0n@lemmy.ml 90 points 1 month ago (2 children)

"This new decree blows the lid off the establishment's agenda, letting freedom-loving folks bypass the usual bureaucratic nonsense like language tests or history exams"

This coming from the "LEARN ENGLISH, YOU'RE IN AMERICA!" crowd

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[–] FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 89 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Please, take him up on that offer. please!

[–] kent_eh@lemmy.ca 27 points 1 month ago

Preferably before November.

[–] RegalPotoo@lemmy.world 83 points 1 month ago (2 children)

... Wasn't there a story a few months ago about a family that had done exactly that and turns out living in Russia kinda sucks?

[–] mosiacmango@lemm.ee 128 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (5 children)

Haha, yes. They were home schooling, antivaxxers who sold a fully owned farm in Canada because of "the gays," then hoped a plan to russia with their 8 kids.

Of course, Russia froze all their funds, forced them all to get vaccinated, then refused go process their visas for months, while they had to live in a one bedroom with a broken sink. The husband posted a video talking about how they missed their washing machine.

The wife then posted a video about how she hated Russian bureaucracy, which they pulled down quickly. Suddenly, they are talking about howm much they love Russia, how its great that they can't access their money.

Now, months later they find out that they need to speak fluent Russian to become citizens, and that it can take years after that. They also can't own more than 49% of a farm without being citizens, so they found a russian to own the 51%.

So after all this, they are going to build a house and a barn and raise farm animals, all for some guy they met to actually own, all while not speaking the language and being utterly dependent on strangers.

Man, that fully owned farmed farm in canada where they were utterly independent and had free healthcare sure sounds like shit in comparison.

[–] catloaf@lemm.ee 62 points 1 month ago (4 children)
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[–] zcd@lemmy.ca 45 points 1 month ago
[–] ironhydroxide@sh.itjust.works 25 points 1 month ago

At least they got away from 'woke"

[–] whostosay@lemmy.world 22 points 1 month ago

I hope the guy with the 51% is gay. That's the only possible way this could be more ironic.

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[–] meco03211@lemmy.world 73 points 1 month ago (5 children)

I hear Kursk is lovely this time of year for Russians.

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[–] ours@lemmy.world 72 points 1 month ago (4 children)

They can all go and make their own new Russian town. They could call it Jonesgrad or perhaps Jonestown to keep it closer to their American roots.

Don't forget to pack up some FlavorAid for those scorching Russian summers.

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[–] Roflmasterbigpimp@lemmy.world 72 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (5 children)

Bruh. They get drafted straight into the meatgrinder.

[–] PrincessLeiasCat@sh.itjust.works 68 points 1 month ago (3 children)

And nothing of value was lost.

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[–] renrenPDX@lemmy.world 62 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Didn’t a conservative family already try living in Russia recently and found out it wasn’t all like a better version of America?

[–] Sway_Chameleon@lemmy.world 56 points 1 month ago (3 children)

There was a homophobic family from here in Sasktachewan (the Feenstra's), who sold their family farm and dragged their 8 kids to Russia to escape the "far leftist" and "lgbtq ideology" here in Canada. Guess it didn't work out too well for them since they had their bank accounts frozen (possibly assets seized) and then proceeded to speak ill of Russia (including they don't speak English there) only to have to publicly apologize and eat their words.

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[–] AA5B@lemmy.world 25 points 1 month ago

Shhhhh, don’t tell them

[–] zenitsu@sh.itjust.works 58 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Please do take all the conservative brainlets and build a Gilead so we can all watch it crash and burn while you cope about foreign interference.

[–] charonn0@startrek.website 51 points 1 month ago
[–] ccunning@lemmy.world 47 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Don’t forget to renounce your citizenship so you ~~can’t come back~~ don’t have to pay taxes…

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[–] AbidanYre@lemmy.world 46 points 1 month ago (1 children)

The traditional value of fertilizing sunflowers in Ukraine?

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[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 41 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I’d be soooooo triggered if they accepted. And remember, the US is the only country that taxes citizens on foreign earnings. So you’ll have to renounce your citizenship

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[–] MehBlah@lemmy.world 40 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Please idiots, flee to that hellscape. There you might realize how full of shit you all are.

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[–] NutWrench@lemmy.world 39 points 1 month ago (3 children)

1980's conservatives: "Why don't you move to Russia if you don't like it here?"

2020's conservatives: "Why don't we move to Russia if we don't like it here?"

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[–] Ep1cFac3pa1m@lemmy.world 36 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Is there a GoFundMe to which I can donate to help with relocation costs?

[–] dumbass@leminal.space 35 points 1 month ago (2 children)

But dont they hate immigrants?

[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 31 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You silly, "immigrant" is an euphemism for POC and non-christians.

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[–] cultsuperstar@lemmy.world 29 points 1 month ago

I can see it now, they go to Russia and expect all Russians to speak English.

Russia: You're in Russia! Speak Russian! You don't like it, go back to where you came from! Conservatives: How dare you!

[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 29 points 1 month ago

Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

[–] JasonDJ@lemmy.zip 26 points 1 month ago

So they are seeking asylum in another country? Like, to move there permanently?

Huh.

[–] Hayduke@lemmy.world 24 points 1 month ago

Damn Alex, that's a sore-dick deal if I have ever heard one. Carpe fuckin diem, comrade!

[–] PoorlyWrittenPapyrus@lemmy.world 24 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Do they need money for plane tickets? I’d be happy to pitch in

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[–] osaerisxero@kbin.melroy.org 23 points 1 month ago

https://files.catbox.moe/87b8pt.gif

Getting a lot of mileage out of this one

[–] Fuzzy_Red_Panda@lemm.ee 22 points 1 month ago (10 children)

"Good, if those still wishing to make satanic hand gestures and hidden eye symbols keep doing it and don’t stop Alex Jones I might just do that," [added] X user Robin Cope.

What are these satanic hand gestures that I am missing out on? Sounds cool.

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