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The original was posted on /r/maliciouscompliance by /u/_PM_ME_YOUR_ANYTHING on 2024-06-07 03:05:04+00:00.
This happened about 2 hours ago. I'm not even mad. I'm impressed.
So here I am taking a quick (30 minutes) morning poop while working from home. When I noticed the lack of toilet paper. Knowing I had used the last of it the night before, I concluded that I in fact had put myself in this situation.
I called my wife who was upstairs and asked if she could kindly bring down the white sheets which will free me from the stink trap of my own making. The exact words I used were "I don't care if it's even half a roll, I just need something"
Several excruciating minutes went by, you know the time when you have finished with everything you wanted to watch/read on your phone and you are just sitting there with a shitty ass. This was made even worse because I couldn't hear her moving around to bring me the toilet paper.
Then my wife appeared. She had a smile on her face. Then she handed me half a roll, she had cut the roll in half.
She proceeded to laugh so hard she had to take her ventolin inhaler.
I finished up in the bathroom.
When I came out I told her I only got to wipe half my ass.
(I will put a picture of the roll she handed me into the comments)
I'm going to start looking before pooping more often.
EDIT: it took way too long to get this link working, to be fair I half assed it.
EDIT 2: My wife is manically laughing to all of these responses. She actually might need her ventolin again.. . Is there a way to hand her half a ventolin?
Picture: