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I'm going to laugh my ass off when someone figures out how to track them all in real time, and shares it on a publicly accessible website.

The first casualty of those battery fires is probably going to be someone handcuffed and locked in the back seat.

I hope they explode

Imagine thinking they will only buy one.

if they're anything like the ICE cruisers... they're dropping another shitload in up grades. custom-built gun vaults, as well as other specially-built storage .... first aid, extra handcuffs. leg cuffs. Kiddie cuffs. flex-cuffs. evidence collection. Road safety stuffs. Flashlights. speed radar thingies. rolls of printer paper for citation printers. Cameras. spare uniforms. Condoms for the badgebunnies. extra batteries for radios. extra batteries for flashlights. batteries for cameras. extra uniforms. all sorts of bullshit paperwork and forms that only get filled out when they come a cross a karen. Door breaching and lock out tools

needless to say, cops keep a lot of junk in the trunk. So much so the cop's version of the ford explorer ("Police Interceptor Utility") actually only has a special suspension to handle the extra weight, and 2 rows of seating instead of 3 to accommodate the entirely-custom storage rack.

oh. you thought they were talking about body armor... naw. They get APC's for that.

What else do you expect local governments to spend the opiate settlement money on, rehabilitation?

STOP! In the name of Elon!

Worry not. The automatic doors will crush all their fingers and toes first.

On a related note how come criminals in Gotham City don't just do crime during the day time?

The cyberpunk futures we all anticipated.

"Call off the chase, suspect drove onto sand."

I personally welcome this new fleet of self-igniting cop cars. It's such a time saver!

Can't park under trees

Well if we’re being fair, that’s a bad idea for all cop cars. Trees might drop very hostile acorns, forcing the officer to unload his gun.

Bit of background on police cars. Mechanically, they're not made to be especially fast, nor necessarily accelerate very quickly, nor handle particularly well. The police package modifications have more to do with endurance. A cop car isn't going to do 180MPH, but it's going to be able to do 110 for way longer than a regular production vehicle. A alot of that comes down to extra cooling: engine, transmission, power steering. Cop cars have steel wheels because they bend instead of shattering, and you can still drive on a bent wheel that holds air.

Does the Cybertruck scream "reliable and high endurance"?

Police vehicles also need to be generally multipurpose, to carry weapons, first aid, other gear, and detainees as necessary. This means they need to have enough room in the back seat for a partition, and accessible cargo space so that any particular thing can be quickly accessed. I can't speak to the back seat of a Cybertruck, but that silly body line at the front of the bed makes a huge part of its cargo space useless. If you want to access stuff that's up there, you're going to have to climb in the back and crawl over everything, or unload a bunch of shit that's in the way, like me looking for the fucking mayonaisse in my refrigerator after my wife has jammed it way too full of other shit. Maybe a Cybertruck could stand in for a State Police car that runs the interstates instead of a Dodge Charger. Maybe.

Ever noticed how lots of police departments label their cars in very low contrast lettering? That's so they can blend into traffic without being instantly noticeable as a police car. I think it's obvious what I'm pointing out here.

I also don't think that a pure electric vehicle would ever be used for actual police work. Having to stick it on a charger for an hour, at least once a day, takes the vehicle and its driver out of service for much longer than just filling up a gas tank. Yeah, you might be able to coordinate the charging with "paperwork time," but it's still something worth considering.

tl;dr: The Cybertruck is the worst police vehicle any department could ever choose.

Particularly given that the design quality houses a whole slew of critically bad design choices.

Like shock absorber brackets and axel mounts that can't handle simple offroad loads.

They already do.

This is a pseudo kickback, something to fluff elons ego

You're gonna be shocked when you learn that the current cop cars are also made by billionaires

why? that graffiti or scratch is just gonna rust off in a day or two