Hello. 22M here. Majoring in Physics, 1st year. Looking for decent earning options, almost as a whole career, but I have no idea which way to go.
Let me tell you a bit about myself. I have a strong fictional imagination, basically a writer's mind. English is not my native language. But I've practiced one or two short stories in my own language.
I have created multiple plots for multiple stories. I've intentions to start writing soon on them.
Anyway, I have close to zero bit of knowledge about coding. I only know html.
I had the time to pursue further into other languages like python, C, C++, but I'm very weak in mathematics. So I didn't learn further coding. I also didn't learn much mathematics, which has put me in an almost degraded institution for honours.
My current mental state cannot focus on one thing to pursue, I don't know why. Sometimes it gets all motivated to write the story, and other times, it gets depressed thinking about how AI is taking all the jobs and I have to learn to code to battle against AI with my own AI.
So this is the overall depiction of my shattered mind and life. I also come from a lower-middle class family. So money is scarce.
I don't want to argue about my moral ethics that if I want to earn money quickly, I can do this or that over my innate talent etc.
What I want to know is, which way will first build a strong foundation of knowledge within me and will keep me going for the long run along with the money.
Because, if I have to learn to code, I also have to study mathematics, if I want to write, I also need to research for a long time before I can even layer the elements inside the story.
My laptop broke 2 years ago and I've been on my android since then. I'm going to buy either a laptop or a tablet soon.
And a tablet adds another way which is digital arts. I don't know how to draw at all. But, as I said, whichever way I choose, I'll have to spend a bit long amount of time to actually train myself to be sufficient on that path. So I have no problem getting introduced to such new ideas and paths and spending time to get along with them.
I also got stuck between the device choice. If I buy a laptop, I'll be able to learn to code and to write my stories. And if I buy a tablet, I'll be able to learn to be a digital artist and can also write my stories but no coding.
So, the way the world's economy is going, which way and which device should I go after?
It's alright. Any kind of suggestions are welcomed. A sailor and a passenger each have a different experience and story to tell about the same journey.
I myself cannot deny the fact that almost 70% of my cognitive ability has been embedded around this rectangular devil's box. Unironically I can say, the day I got separated from my laptop and got introduced to this phone, I fell into almost all kinds of downhill there exist.
Even though I started using it thinking that it'll be a good use, but no. Screentime, activities, and overall device addiction say otherwise.
I've started analog journaling from June, I don't know how it helped but it didn't help me to get rid of the excessive use of phone. It has become a penicillin for my depressed mind.
I don't even have the drive to seek and execute my creativity. Resulting in me not knowing what my hobbies are. I don't particularly enjoy anything, nor that I hate anything either. I just exist. No drive, no thrill, no excitement.
And, I can't address someone as a "friend" in real life. I call them as "classmate" or "senior brother/peer" etc.
Mostly I am to blame. I can't( or never learnt to ) socialize/communicate with people. None of my classmate brothered to actually look into the kind of person I am. They just assume that I'm like that. And I don't feel like correcting them or letting them know how I am.
Also, they don't respect other's choices and niche in entertainment. They just joke it around. So even this one single path to start a conversation with them had been closed way before.
I'm kind of an outdated person when it comes to enjoy entertainment. I like books, audiobooks, historical plays, etc. The only digital era type of entertainment I like is nerdcore, Tame Impala and slipknot music.
Anyway, enough reminiscing ! I felt good reading your comment that you explained from your personal situational perspective rather than a technical one. I've already decided what to do from reading all the comments. You sharing your situational similarities gave me courage and motivation. Getting comforted and acknowledged by the people who used to be in the same tier as me feels like home.
Check out the lyrics to "Home" by Corey Taylor, singer of Slipknot (I'm not a fan of the song itself). It's a romantic-love song, but I think you could find a friend-love meaning in there because it's about being partners.
Slipknot makes music for us. They reach out to the loners, the outcasts, those abandoned, those forgotten. I have friends double your age into Slipknot. The lyricism has some extreme imagery and obviously their concert presence is scary, but, at the heart of it, it's painting a picture of sad feelings, screaming out into the void as if it's anger. He's hurt and doesn't want to hurt others the same way. Yes, the music attracts some aggressive people (not getting into THEIR psych right now), but by and large, the fans are people who felt lonely in their teenage years. Look at the lyrics to Slipknot's "Danger keep away". He says "we, too, feel alone". We! There's something beautiful to be discovered when 10,000 "loners" step into their concert. Maybe you're not so alone. Maybe you could reach out better to others. Maybe other people have a totally different inside personality but they're afraid to show it. They're struggling inside the same way you are. They want to be accepted. Unfortunately, it's easier to find common disinterest than interests, so it's so damn easy to earn social points by joking about the weird interests.
I made my judgements in school of other people. They judged me. I drifted away because of that, even from the ones I wanted to call "friend". Over a decade later, I somewhat reconnected with some. Even my ex. Nothing deep, just casual, but comfortable. You don't know it yet, but you're not done growing up. You'll hopefully realize that for all the times you acted immature, your acquaintances did too. They were also young. I'm not saying their personalities will flip or they'll become your best friend, but most will hopefully look back and laugh a little. I had a roommate fight about sponge etiquette.
Or maybe you'll never see them again. That's fine, shit happens. People move. People get all different jobs. People make new families. If you find yourself dwelling on something you feel you messed up by being awkward or if you're still angry someone else judged you as uninteresting, try to learn from it. How would you have presented yourself today to improve yourself? Or how would you have presented your interests in a way that's more amicable to someone entirely unfamiliar? I don't dive right into talking about nebula composition and orbital mechanics, I pull up some astro pictures I've made. I gauge it from there. Would they rather hear more about the camera, the travel, the stars, or are they not interested at all? Switch to cars? Motorcycles? The sci-fi book I'm in? Slipknot? The weather? Nothing? Just because there was no common ground found today doesn't mean there won't be in the future.
There's a cool side effect with never seeing a former social group again: starting entirely fresh in the next one. They don't know you were weird last time, so there's no reason to assume they think you're weird. You don't have to be interesting all the time, but work on giving a comfortable vibe. Don't gatekeeper your taste but don't dive into a whole thesis either.
I won't agree with the other comment about ditching the degree, but absolutely work on social skills while you're there. This is a good time to shape them. Join clubs or events. You have a good amount of time and you'll be in a group of people with an amazingly similar demographics. You'll come across jerks, you'll be overly weird. Work on it. You might never see them again or they might never think about that interaction again. So don't worry about it and don't beat yourself up.
And then watch Corey Taylor sing the SpongeBob theme song because why the hell not?
But anyway, really, this will work out. It'll take time. If you're comfortable with yourself, people will get comfortable with you. You don't have to be the center of attention, but you're saying you wish you had some attention. Use that logical communication brain of yours to figure out where you are, where you want to be, and what to do to merge those two identities.
Honestly, dude, fuck what degree you get. Spend all your time in school learning how to talk to people. That's the most valuable skill in your life that you are missing.