going to preface this with, don't worry about my immediate health or anything. i am not having a psychotic episode of anything like that, i am 100% sober...and...that's honestly the scariest part for me.
there is a message that finally got through to me, woke me up (wait, motherfucker...is that where "woke" comes from?!?!?), something I'v been aware of for a long time now i think, but it got suppressed down for...10 goddamn years... for whatever reason, until now.
now that I'm aware of it, I see it damn near everywhere, almost every majorly acclaimed movie, song, book, poem, fucking everything...
and it's not like this is some short-term problem either, it's not going away when trump dies, it's not even going away if trump dies and the establishment regains control (i have my doubts they can pull this off).
it's the same goddamn cycle over and over (with slight variations), boom followed by completely deliberate bust, one privacy-overreach followed by another, the same playbook used over and over. and occasionally either end is some random organic act-of-god, which just works to obfuscate the intentional acts.
it's so large and all encompassing you can't even be sure which parts are apart of it and which are just...people still asleep just going about their lives.
and now, because this world seems to be ran by a bunch of fucking psychopaths, I'm even more paranoid sober than when I was having a actual mental breakdown
because how the fuck do I trust anyone now?
how do i seperate those that know from those that don't?
psychopathic assholes from regular assholes?
friend from foe?
hell, how the hell do Ieven confirm that this is real, I know that everyone in my own immediate family is stuck in these little arithmetic bubbles too so i can't bring it up with them, if i tried they would probably be worried I'm going crazy.
and because of past-me's mistakes over the years I have no irl friends whatsoever to talk with either, so i guess all I have left is to send this out onto the internet and hope for the best?
I give trust relatively easy, but if anyone ever abuses it or breaks it, they lose it forever. Though there are things i wont trust to anyone unless I ABSOLUTELY have to and then i'll be very wary and anxious unless its someone i would trust with life of a loved one.
But i'd say start with people who are critical with the bullshit that is going on (and seem okay people in general, not the moon is made of jewish prezels wackos obviously). Try making friends with someone who supports lqbt rights for example, or someone who is concerned about loss of privacy, or someone who understands how shitty corporations are.
Most dont seem to bother even entertaining the thought of thinking about such things, why bother when there is new iphone whatever to be bought and new episode of some crappy reality tv to be watched, and news tell you what to think anyway. So its very understandable how you feel about this, especially considering how you have just recently awoken to the realisation.
For me, i'm on the stage of trying to not care and kind of looking forward to end of the civilization while simultaneously wanting to live current somewhat okay life even though its slowly getting worse too. I want to care, but since there is nothing i can do nor have any community that cares which i could try supporting, there is not much else to be done than fall into involuntary apathy.
Volunteer work might also help you, that way you would almost definitely find decent people and could also do some good. Though there are some pitfalls even with that one, like red cross is okay and all but its so big organization i dont think it has only helping in mind anymore, not with people on top getting paid big money or them suing other helper organizations (i have just heard they have done this, no idea if it has been justified or not. It just feels wrong if those other groups have actually tried helping people).
So far it has been quite lonely road, not wanting to tolerate all the shit that is going on in the world and watching people not able to even understand the existence of patterns of the reasons for that shit, or just not caring so much its the same thing.
I hope you can get at least something out of this mess i wrote.