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If you found someone attractive, would you date them if you found out they were trans?
(lemmy.blahaj.zone)
this post was submitted on 24 Sep 2025
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this assumes you are able to tell, do you think you can always tell?
or is the point that once you know they are trans, the knowledge prevents you from seeing them as their gender?
If I couldn't tell, and they didn't tell me, then i guess I'd just be happy in my ignorance. I can't say that I can always tell, because... well I wouldn't necessarily know about the times I couldn't tell. But yes, if I knew then it would break the attraction for me.
that makes sense!
What do you think it is about learning someone is trans that breaks the attraction for you?
Good question. I think what it comes down to is that the idea of someone being trans is just kind of foreign to me. I never met someone in person who was trans until I was close to 40, as far as I know. So for most of my life I categorized people, at least as far as attractiveness and dating goes, without distinguishing between sex at birth and gender identity.
So while I treat (or hope that I treat) trans people as appropriate for their chosen gender, it doesn't come completely naturally to me. It's hard for me not to think of a trans woman as "a man who wants to be treated as a woman", even though I know that's not what they want. And while in day to day interactions I can just ignore that difficulty and treat a trans woman as a woman, when it comes to romantic interest it is not so easily ignored.
Same. Similar, anyway. I've only knowingly met one trans woman who completely passed, who - if they were a Cis woman - not only would I have been with, but would've been completely out of my league.
But knowing they were Trans... yeah, I have hangups, in the same way I'd have hangups about the idea of being intimate with another man. I'm not completely against the idea, but I've got ingrained social prejudices it would take a fair bit of work to overcome.
I know a couple of people who transitioned and if I didn't know I couldn't tell.
I think I would be open to date if I found out organically that they are trans.
If instead it is the topic of conversation every other day, I'd pass.