this post was submitted on 12 Sep 2025
314 points (97.0% liked)

Not The Onion

18044 readers
858 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] tomiant@programming.dev 0 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

THE NATION OWES ETERNAL DEBT TO THIS HERO OF THE REPUBLIC, THIS GUARDIAN OF THE FLAG, THIS MARTYR OF THE UNION, THIS SAINT OF THE CONSTITUTION WHO CARRIED THE AMERICAN PEOPLE ON HIS BLUE RED WHITE STRIPED SHOULDERS, WHOSE FACE SHALL BE ENGRAVED ON THE MOUNTAINS AND WHOSE NAME BE SUNG BY ANGELS AS HE ASCENDS THE HEAVENLY THRONE TO BE EMBRACED BY THE ONE TRUE LORD JESUS CHRIST, HIS SACRIFICE WRITTEN WITH ASTRAL FIRE AND FOREVER ECHOED THROUGH THE CHAMBERS OF POWER AND ANNALS OF HISTORY AND RETOLD BY THE LIPS OF PATRIOTS FOR MILLENNIA!

[–] tomiant@programming.dev 6 points 2 days ago (2 children)

...because I was being completely serious, of course.

[–] Flax_vert@feddit.uk 1 points 2 days ago

Hey, being a conservative Christian on here is my job!

[–] ifItWasUpToMe@lemmy.ca 1 points 2 days ago