this post was submitted on 08 Sep 2025
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No Stupid Questions

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No such thing. Ask away!

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Right now, I am honest-to-God trying to get better. I know there's something wrong with my brain and I'm trying to fix that. I try to be as supportive as I can to LGBTQ+ people and I don't mind if they outright say "I'm gay/bi/whatever" or "I have a [partner/spouse of the same gender]" but something about having to hear about romantic or sexual stuff with two women really doesn't sit right with me, especially with "yuri" or having lesbian relationships portrayed on TV. However, "yaoi" and gay relationships on TV I find awesome and cute, I'd say. Men, I find attractive, though, so that could be why. If a guy talks about his romantic or sexual encounters with another guy, I don't mind at all.

While trying to convince myself I was bi or pan, I would hang out with a lot of straight women, crush on only guys, and even hang out with homophobic women.

In high school, my best friend was a homophobic and transphobic girl who relentlessly bullied one of my bully victims: a trans man. I tried to convince the guy it was his fault he got bullied, but I have matured and see the best "friend" was just an asshole.

Please, no judging, I am only curious.

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[โ€“] TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

no shame in asking!

tbh I used to be the opposite of you. 2 men together was just kinda weird. not in a "that's wrong you're going to hell!!! ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก" kinda way, moreso just something in my brain thought it was kinda off-putting about it. I was raised by a really homophobic mom and grandparents as well as toxic discords that didn't properly portray what being gay is like, that 100% had something to do with it.

however, I found women snuggling together so cute and wholesome, like the best thing in the world. Like wholeheartedly cannot understand how anybody would be against it. I felt like really inferior as if never be half of worth to have an experience of anything like that.

Over time as I got more experience with gay men my view kinda shifted and I think it's really wholesome and I am really happy that people can be with who they want to be and it's really sweet.

however... I am now a woman... and attracted to women... so that explains that

also my dad is gay and was his whole life.

[โ€“] birdwing@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Personally I never really had the "2 same gender ppl together weird" thingy, but ironically now that I've come out, I notice it more in my mind that I have those feels. And that annoys me as I want to not have that feel. So I try to 'CBT' myself by subtly smiling at those couples too, trying to make sure they feel safe and at ease too.

I think it comes from a perception of envy, that I'm projecting it onto others: why them but not me? I try to combat it too by realising that it's not 'not me'; I need to go out and look for it, to have it too.

It's a whole journey of self exploration and realisation. If there's any good place to ask, it's on Lemmy, and since it's in good faith (realising that homo- and transphobia is in fact, indeed bad), it's especially a good way to learn how to deal with your feels. Best to have a qualified psychologist you personally know and trust, though. One that doesn't dismiss your concerns, but listens and understands, guides to help yourself improve.