this post was submitted on 09 Sep 2025
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Forgive me, I've tried polyamory but I don't quite know what counts as "cheating" when the relationship is opened like this.

So my sister (14) "Liz" went out with "Asher" (16) for like a week. Asher was always very giggly, flirty, and romantic with Liz and would find couple songs and say "That's us!". My sister seemed very happy with her new boyfriend.

Asher turned out to have a boyfriend he had been dating for a year before Liz. Liz knew about the boyfriend, but since he said "I'm poly and in an open relationship", we all assumed the boyfriend was okay with it.

Turns out, he wasn't okay with it and Asher got into a relationship with Liz before telling "BF". Then, afterwards, he said "Well I like "BF" first and I like him better than you so I'm breaking up with you."

Maybe I'm too upset because she's my sister, but kind of a jerk move there on his end.

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[–] FreedomAdvocate@lemmy.net.au 3 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

They're 14 and 16, they're literal children. Don't treat childrens relationships the same was as adult relationships.

[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 4 points 17 hours ago (2 children)

They're adolescents - sexually mature people who are learning how to navigate the world, including romantic relationships. Sure, this is melodramatic teen heartbreak. But it's real to them, and OP is right to be concerned about the situation so they can talk about it to their sister.

[–] FreedomAdvocate@lemmy.net.au 4 points 16 hours ago (2 children)

Trying to work out who cheated on who and who has more right to be offended in a relationship between a 14 and a 16 year old is not worth your time.

[–] Havatra@lemmy.zip 1 points 14 hours ago

If it results in a basis of good values later in life, I'd say it's definitely worth the time of OP.
However, it's arguable whether making a post on Lemmy is the right way to get feedback on rights and wrongs, although I'm positively surprised by the comments here being so understanding and constructive.

[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 0 points 14 hours ago

It's worth it if they are your sister and you care about them.

[–] cam_i_am@lemmy.world 4 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

Definitely. Plus, these early romantic relationships are actually really important for learning healthy behaviours and learning to spot unhealthy ones.

It's crucial that they all learn about consent, and understand that this was not ok.

[–] chocrates@piefed.world 1 points 14 hours ago

So? This seems like a great learning experience for OPs sister. It sucks but they are also children