Asklemmy

50173 readers

358 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy 🔍

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

Open-ended question
Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

Lemmyverse: community search
sub.rehab: maps old subreddits to fediverse options, marks official as such
!lemmy411@lemmy.ca: a community for finding communities

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 6 years ago

MODERATORS

133

what questions do you have but don't feel you can ask trans people? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 5 days ago by dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

166 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Politeness norms seem to keep a lot of folks from discussing or asking their trans friends questions they have, I figured at the very least I could help try to fill the gap. Lemmy has a decent trans population who might be able to provide their perspectives, as well.

Mostly I'm interested in what people are holding back.

The questions I've been asked IRL:

why / how did you pick your name?
how long have you known?
how long before you are done transitioning?
how long do you have to be on HRT?
is transgender like being transracial?
what do the surgeries involve?

For the most part, though, I get silence - people don't want to talk about it, or are afraid to. A lot of times the anxiety is in not knowing how to behave or what would be offensive or not. Some people have been relieved when they learned all they needed to do is see me as my gender, since that became very simple and easy for them.

If there are trans people you know IRL, do you feel you can talk to them about it? Not everyone is as open about it as I am, and questions can be feel rude, so I understand why people would feel hesitant to talk to me, but even when I open the door, people rarely take the opportunity.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] Machinist@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

That's pretty much what I figured. Wish trans folks had something like the old school hanky code.

As far as my preferences go, I was in a triad for a while with an NB. If I were stuck on a desert island and had to pick between a vanilla woman or a sub boy, I'm picking the boy. However, like I said, I have a strong preference for female genitalia. The whole tomboy/NB thing is the sweetspot for me in this spectrum.

I also have smell preferences. MtF, many NB, and cis women smell much more attractive to me. I imagine it's related to test levels. I don't find heavily transitioned FtM very attractive. There's an androgynous smell that's kind of like fallen leaves that I really like.

Not trying to fetishize here, but thought the perspective might be interesting. I'm very masculine and fall somewhere between a wolf or bear.

[–] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

there might be like hanky codes, but I just might be the wrong girl to ask, I'm the over-committed lesbian trope, have had a single monogamous relationship for over a decade 😅

If I were single, I wouldn't be interested in dating or actively seeking out a relationship.