this post was submitted on 24 Aug 2025
133 points (92.9% liked)

Asklemmy

50221 readers
361 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy πŸ”

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 6 years ago
MODERATORS
Cloak@lemmy.ml
mekhos@lemmy.ml
tmpod@lemmy.pt
14specks@lemmy.ml
133
what questions do you have but don't feel you can ask trans people? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 1 week ago by dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml
170 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

Politeness norms seem to keep a lot of folks from discussing or asking their trans friends questions they have, I figured at the very least I could help try to fill the gap. Lemmy has a decent trans population who might be able to provide their perspectives, as well.

Mostly I'm interested in what people are holding back.

The questions I've been asked IRL:

  • why / how did you pick your name?
  • how long have you known?
  • how long before you are done transitioning?
  • how long do you have to be on HRT?
  • is transgender like being transracial?
  • what do the surgeries involve?

For the most part, though, I get silence - people don't want to talk about it, or are afraid to. A lot of times the anxiety is in not knowing how to behave or what would be offensive or not. Some people have been relieved when they learned all they needed to do is see me as my gender, since that became very simple and easy for them.

If there are trans people you know IRL, do you feel you can talk to them about it? Not everyone is as open about it as I am, and questions can be feel rude, so I understand why people would feel hesitant to talk to me, but even when I open the door, people rarely take the opportunity.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 15 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (3 children)

As a child, written. (I remember the best were the write-in sex stories in Cosmos magazine.)

Sometime as a teenager it became a mix (socially adapting to boyhood), but probably 80% visual, 20% written. Erotica was more like a special occasion, like taking a hot bath and having a bottle of wine - more fulfilling and valuable, but more occasional and requiring more time. Visuals were more pragmatic, quick, and frequent.

Now I find the ideas are more important than the visuals, so even when visuals are involved it's more about the scene or idea than just the visuals. I would have said that was true before, but testosterone libido is more nagging and you don't always feel like investing in such an unfulfilling activity.

Libido on testosterone was impulsive, animal-like, and disturbing to me. Like a cigarette addiction. I hated living that way.

On estrogen, it's not that my libido feels lessened (in some ways it feels stronger, I swear it made me more horny, which I was disappointed by), but it feels less impulsive, more connected, and generally deeper.

I like the comparison of estrogen libido being like a hot coal, while testosterone libido is like quick-burning pine.

[–] CanadaPlus 6 points 1 week ago

Interesting! Thank you.

[–] AnEye@lemmy.ml 4 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Now I find the ideas are more important than the visuals, so even when visuals are involved it’s more about the scene or idea than just the visuals.

So, what you're definitely definitely definitely saying is men should send unsolicited pictures of a warmly-lit room sprinkled with drinks and candles instead of their naked crotch.

[–] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 week ago

now that you say that, it is funny that men try to woo women by treating them like they're men πŸ˜†

[–] argarath@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

Fuck, the idea of some dude setting up the entire room too for that cozy, yet sensual mood in the room and positioning themselves to not show anything, but just to tease, to nag at your imagination and make you want to see more that is definitely WAY hotter than just a dick pic and now I'm sad that isn't the way they try to get laid because it is so much better!!!

[–] fluffykittycat@slrpnk.net 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I feel like the need for a quick hurried scared to get caught masterbation experience favors quick and shallow. I think that if you can talk your time there's more artistic latitude to explore the finer details. I feel like there's be more and better porn of artistic merit that way

[–] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 week ago

maybe, but reading erotica is already gives you that space - usually people can't tell what you're reading ....