this post was submitted on 25 Jul 2025
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I'm a Christian pastor happily married to an atheist, AMA.
Do you believe your wife will go to hell?
Is she agnostic or does she believe there is no god?
No. I don't believe in all that “you have to confess Jesus as your personal lord and saviour to avoid hell” crap. It's in fact something not very widespread outside evangelicalism. I believe the Cross is working mysteriously, far outside the frontier of the visible Church. A God who condemns people that doesn't recognize him is not a loving God, it's a pervert. I believe that “to confess Jesus as my personal lord and saviour” is a way to live a better life here and now, and I don't expect an eternal reward for that.
I'd say she's agnostic atheist. She doesn't know if God exist, but believes he does not, and in fact doesn't care.
You sound like a very good person.
I think you get what I believe religion is supposed to be about.
And that's nice to see :) keep it up!
In many christian traditions the "confess Jesus as savior" can also be done after this life when standing before Jesus, basically at the gates of heaven. At that point it's really just a formality, and doing that right now instead of in the next life is exactly what you describe what it means to you: a way to live a better life right now.
But if someone is an atheist and doesn't want anything to do with God, won't God respect their decision?
I don't know. The Bible don't speak that much after the afterlife. Jesus mainly spoke about the Kingdom, which is within us and not something otherworldly (Luke 17:21), the Old Testament is almost only interested in how to follow God here and now, even the book of Revelation is, if read correctly, more a veiled criticism of the politics of Roman Empire than a prediction. The only one who spoke a lot about the afterlife is Paul, but if he's clear about who will be saved, he's not about who won't. That's why I spoke about a mystery; but I trust God to make the best decision.
Jesus spoke more about hell than heaven. And more about hell than anyone else in the Bible.
Paul is quite clear.
1 Corinthians 6:9-11
Romans 2:12-16
Romans 3:22-25
Romans 6:23
I looked to first link, and the first biblical reference was Luke 16:23. It's a parable… not a description of actual hell… I saw enough to know that it's not theologically serious.
The rest of your message is cherrypicking. You can't cite verses without providing any context or analysis, staying on the surface of things, and think you make a point. Again, not theologically serious. You should study the Bible praying, make it resonate with the life of the marginalized people that Jesus came to meet, not just choosing the verses that confirm your preconceptions, or you'll make the Bible saying the contrary of what it says by cherrypicking and staying too literal. Nobody can make this work for you.
Imagine someone who'd come to you and say: “the Bible say that God doesn't exist, look at Ps 14:1 ‘There is no God’!”. Of course this Psalm says the contrary, and it would be easy to prove, just by citing the verse wholly; but what you do is not different, just more subtle.
I don't deny that Jesus came to marginalised people. He came to free them, redeem them, and forgive them. He didn't sit around and say "you do you, live your truth". He said "take up your cross, and follow Me".
What are you doing, citing verses without understanding them in their context, if not “living your truth”?
Exegesis.
I do understand the context of Jesus' verses. He was very literal on the existence of Hell.
Matthew 8:8-13
Okay, I'll bait. What's the context of this text? Or in other words: what's Jesus speaking about?
He is saying that many gentiles will come to know God and get into heaven, while those who reject Him will be sent to hell.
No, you're reformulating the verse. I'm asking for context. What was the discussion about?
He was talking to a centurion and about the salvation of the gentiles who come to The Messiah and damnation of Jews who reject Him.
And to follow up, are you okay with that? If not, do you try to convince her to believe to save her? How does she feel about those efforts or lack of?
How did the marriage ceremony go, who officiated the marriage, was it a religious leader or another type of official. I am really curious because I want my Christian GF to have the wedding of her dreams and I am not sure how to approach the topic. I have no issues but I am scared a pastor or similar might have because I am atheist
I live in France, where it's illegal to have a religious marriage without having a civil one first. As a pastor, I have to ask a proof that the people I religiously marries are already married civilly. I agree theologically with that, as protestants don't marry people, they bless an already existing marriage.
So we had both. To be honest, in France, civil marriages are quite dull: it takes 5 minutes, the mayor or their deputy reads the law, asks for consent, makes the people sign, and it's the next couple's turn. It's very administrative. There's a little decorum, but just a little.
So, even for people without strong belief, the ritual makes the marriage something special. It was the case for my spouse, at least. She's atheist, but she respects my faith, as I respect her atheism; she knew it was important for me, so that made it important for her.
I would warn you though: if your girlfriend is Catholic, you'll have yo promise to raise your children in the Catholic faith. If your girlfriend is evangelical, they may ask you to testify of your faith. I'd say to discuss this with her first very openly, and test the waters with her priest/pastor. 90% are cool people, with whom you'll be able to be open, and they won't refuse you as long as they don't sense that you opposes the whole thing. 10% are assholes; I'd advice you to look for an other one; if it's the one your girlfriend wants, lie to them (as long as your girlfriend agrees with that). You don't marry for the officiant, you owe them nothing.
I've seen a pastor hold a nice opening without any direct religious references
That I could do, if it made sense in the context.
Were you both Christian and your partner fell out of it?
No, she never was Christian, nor anything else for that matter.
Were you a Christian before you married her? Were you a pastor at that point?
Also, what denomination/church do you belong to
No, we were in highschool when we begun to date. But I was already Christian, and we knew I was going to a faculty of theology a few months later to become a pastor.
I'm a member of a united Lutheran-Reformed church. I come from a Reformed parish, but serve nowadays in a Lutheran one, and theologically I navigate between the two traditions.
Why would you marry a non Christian when the Bible clearly forbids it?
2 Corinthians 6:14-18