this post was submitted on 16 May 2025
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Work Reform

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[–] MonkeMischief@lemmy.today 18 points 16 hours ago* (last edited 4 hours ago) (3 children)

I'm pretty sure...

You're not gonna believe this but...

I think it all came from web marketing guru funnel-builder-ebook-masterclass-mentor-course types.

And it circlejerked with business types to capitalize on shorter and shorter attention spans.

I was like you. I was a normal guy. And one day I decided to take a guess at where this irritating "writing style" came from...and why it was EVERYWHERE...

...and you won't believe what I came up with (Or maybe you will, because you're ultra smart , I can tell just by the way you're reading this, you're not like everyone else, you're special, click the button at the end of this really long pointless babbling)...I think it's because...

People scroll, and short little paragraphs keep you reading.

In bite-sized little chunks. So you keep scrolling and scrolling waiting for it to get to the point....

...so what are you waiting for? Lame call to action by clicking the button below to get added to my email spam list and an empty ghost town "Master Life Changer" Discord / web forum! Filled to the gills with...

...obvious filler nonsense...for 900 days absolutely risk free...

...I wouldn't bet my couch and my sister's angry little chihuahua, Señor Gordito Cabrón if I wasn't 100% serious about the value in these stupid paragraphs...

If you don't get any value from this offer, I'll personally ship that little jerk to Cesar Milan. Just so he learns some respect after stealing my tacos

You can even keep the couch and any change you find in its depths as mygift to you.

~~I'll even finally get the sister to therapy, as an Internet marketing family we've neglected all the signs and cries for help for far too long.~~

All you gotta do is keep scrolling until the wheel on your mouse pops out...

...and one day you too can have a Lambo. You deserve it.

Normally, my grift is valued by myself (and nobody else) at an obnoxiously high number that ends in a 7 for some reason...but today is special.

Still here? I knew you were The Chosen One Destined for Greatness .

Time is running out, even though this special offer has been sitting on this static page for months. It's only like ~~$1234.57~~ $667.97 now. Just for you. (I'm practically giving it away because you're so cool. I have to sell one of my boats now just to make ends meet. My wife is so upset she's taking the kids to her mom's for a few days, but I believe in you THAT MUCH.)

Still not convinced?? That's understandable. This can continue saying the same gibberish 18 different ways...

...until you've read so far clicking the button is basically sunk cost fallacy at this point...


...Ugh that made me physically sick writing like that even as a joke LOL.

EDIT: In some twisted way I'm so proud of this marketer mockery I keep editing it when I think of a way to make it even stupider lol. I'm gonna touch grass soon I swear...

EDIT EDIT: Oh no, it has formatting now. And got increasingly unhinged. What have I done?!

[–] Railing5132@lemmy.world 3 points 4 hours ago

Bravo. A masterpiece.

[–] Hadriscus@lemm.ee 2 points 6 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago) (1 children)

Good god this is so fucking draining

[–] MonkeMischief@lemmy.today 2 points 4 hours ago* (last edited 4 hours ago) (1 children)

Isn't it insufferable? Agh!

I hope my version was at least sorta funny while making the point and highlighting a lot of those stupid tricks they use.

[–] Hadriscus@lemm.ee 1 points 3 hours ago

Absolutely, yes, it was good satire. Please, don't do it again

[–] Regrettable_incident@lemmy.world 7 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago) (1 children)

I guess it works too, I just read that.

[–] MonkeMischief@lemmy.today 2 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago)

I hope it was at least satirically entertaining and perhaps a touch cathartic! XD

I'm sure you've also shared that same experience I have, where you ended up scrolling and scrolling those stupid websites to see what their deal was, even though you knew it was 100% nonsense lol.

Edit: Oh gosh, I had too much fun with it and now it's 7x as unhinged lmao...