this post was submitted on 25 Nov 2023
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Court rules Gabe Newell must appear in person to testify in Steam anti-trust lawsuit (www.pcgamer.com)
submitted 1 year ago by Goronmon@lemmy.world to c/games@lemmy.world
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[–] ElBarto@sh.itjust.works 176 points 1 year ago (4 children)

They get him on the stand and the judge says " so Mr Newell, remembering you are under oath, when is Half Life 3 being released?"

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 57 points 1 year ago (3 children)

*Gabe starts gesturing to his lawyer to do something*

"Just answer the question."

[–] Excrubulent@slrpnk.net 43 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I mean the simple response from the lawyer is, "Objection, relevance," and the question gets tossed out.

I demand accuracy in my jokes, even if it kills them.

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 37 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

"Objection, relevance?"

"Public interest."

(Though in my joke I meant his lawyer, instead of objecting, would entreat his client to answer the question)

[–] Excrubulent@slrpnk.net 20 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Ah, I understand now. [MODIFYING JOKE MATRIX TO ACCOMMODATE NEW INFORMATION]

"Your honor, I need to fire my lawyer."

"Mr Newell, no competent lawyer in this country would defend you on this point. If you do not answer the question I will hold you in contempt."

[–] setsneedtofeed@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

“Bailiff, seize him.”

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

*Half Life 3 drops from his pocket*

"THAT'S NOT MINE"

[–] setsneedtofeed@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

“It’s actually all of yours. Check you computers, they all have Half Life 3 installed.”

Gabe puts on a top hat, pulls out an umbrella and floats away.

[–] Omniraptor@lemm.ee 5 points 1 year ago

This is how we win

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 2 points 1 year ago

Lmao this is great

[–] Socsa@sh.itjust.works 37 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Gaben will then slowly drop his head and whisper into the microphone with a wry chuckle - "You fool. You have just activated my trap card."

Immediately, the Half Life 3 release will drop. Gaben has been holding it back, continuously updating for decades, awaiting exactly this moment. The judge, completely flabbergasted at the proceedings will immediately declare a mistrial. Legal scholars will then study the "Gaben defense" for decades.

[–] BeardedGingerWonder@feddit.uk 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

No comment.

[–] Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 1 points 1 year ago

Does "no comment" count as an answer?

[–] TheBat@lemmy.world 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"There is no Half-Life 3, there will be no Half-Life 3."

[–] Igloojoe@lemm.ee 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Half life alyx was hl3

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 7 points 1 year ago

Forget HL3; where's HL2: Episode 3? I wanna know what the fuck happened to that garden gnome I carried all the way from the beginning to the rocket at the end.

[–] arefx@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 year ago

If this happened I think Gabe would just say "it's not happening, not at least the way you all want" and then we get some half life cyberchip augmented reality game in another 15 years (it is good though)