Today, before taking an Uber home, she sent me a text wanting me to be downstairs on the street to greet her as the Uber arrives. I read it and told her that yes, I'll be there. I didn't notice any further text because I was in the middle of something.
Later, I hear the door opening and went to our door to greet her, she was furious and refused to talk to me. I realized I forgot to turn my phone back from silent mode after work today. I told her that it is my bad, she still refused to talk to me. At this point, things are still normal for our relationship, she would usually become willing to talk after a while.
I usually go to sleep at 22:30 and she knows, so I thought we'd sort things out tomorrow and went to bed. I woke up in the middle of the night (later I found out it was 1a.m.) to her standing next to my bed (we sleep in separate bedrooms), and she began asking a series of pointed questions: "What would you do if you found out that I was gone?", "What would you do if the CCTV on our street is broken by chance?", "What would you tell my mother if I went missing?", "If I was actually kidnapped, would you kill the guy for me?"
You know, the usual. I thought she's just angry at me still and wanted to vent, so I went along with her for the time being: "I'd be very worried and look for you everywhere", "I'd sue the city", "I'd tell your mother exactly what happened and say I'm sorry", and "I'd kill the guy who kidnapped you".
She grumbled and asked a few follow-up questions, like "if you're planning to kill the guy, what would you do with our cat?" But at this point, I think she's finding it difficult to stay angry at me. I tell her again that I'm sorry I missed her text, and that next time this happens, she should just call me to make sure I see her text, but she left soon after without acknowledging my apology.
I know I'm in the wrong for missing her text. Not trying to argue otherwise. My question is, am I really responsible if someone kidnaps her between getting off the Uber and getting into our apartment complex? Is she trying to guilt trip me into thinking her anger is justified or am I really a horrible, kidnap-facilitating bad person for missing a few texts?
Edit for context: we live in a pretty safe city that ranks top 10 in the world on low crime rate. Also, thank you all for educating me on what gaslighting actually means. It was 2 in the morning when I posted this, I did not have the energy to find the answer myself.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
"Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined emotional abandonment."
Run. She may decide to do the old murder/suicide if she thinks you're going to leave her.
Holy shit you gotta love the Internet with people, based on this one story, thinking it makes sense to warn that she might be planning a murder suicide. Lol wow.
also why does it have 22 upvotes? very scary.
Really? No.
Borderline personality disorder is a special kind of crazy, yes, but it's severe abandonment anxiety at it's core. I hate how much BPD gets thrown around, because it's quite a bit more benign than people understand.
This situation doesn't tell us ANYTHING about any mental disorder she may or may not have.
IT DOES tell us that she is not a healthy individual and he needs to fucking run because we don't want to find out what really is wrong with her.
She wanted him to let her know when he got home so she could meet him at the door. To know he was there. And then punished him for forgetting, in a very irrational way. That is the definition of the fear of abandonment.
No, SHE wanted him to meet HER at the Uber when SHE got home.
can we stop villainizing a mental illness please? this is the most blatant overblown reaction ever.
also, his girlfriend is just batshit. just say that. it's obvious, but you don't need to insult those who suffer just because it's a convenient tool to use as a villain.
BPD sucks all the way around. don't use it as a catch-all for your hatred.
correct take
Motherfucker, Im Borderline myself. I KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I'M TALKING ABOUT.
THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU, NARCISSUS.
take it easy, dude. don't all caps me because I don't share your views on BPD.
also I love how you say "this is not about you" when literally you made it about you and BPD 😂 and then fabricated some murder suicide plot for some reason.
lol.