this post was submitted on 28 Apr 2024
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If a cute goblin woman wanted to claim me as her husband, I probably wouldn't say no.
I mean, cute in a 2D depiction, with a lot of detail missing, but think of the reality of the situation.
Probably smells like shit, literally. Bathes as frequently as she hunts fish.
Probably has no idea what a toothbrush is, chunks of meat stuck between teeth until the enzymes in her saliva break it down over weeks.
Anatomically incompatible, probably.
Bro, the genre's called fantasy for a reason.
Why you gotta ruin my dream of finding someone who loves me for myself? Unrealistic though it might be...
If that's the same criteria you use for looking for that someone, and you proceed with an open and courageous heart: it won't be a dream.
And I would say that we have general artistic conventions of depicting elements the previous commentor suggested: smell lines, meat in teeth, etc.. Their absence from the scene leads me to believe the commentor's interpretation is far from the artist's intentions.
I appreciate the heartfelt advice but I'm mostly just riffing.
My real problem is that staying home and playing video games is less work and more immediately gratifying than getting out and trying to meet someone, but I recognize that complaining about that just means I'm trying to have my cake and eat it too.
The goblin swinging a club on the other hand...
She doesn't love you, you're the first thing she could grab with a heart beat and two legs
Beggars can't be choosers.
Not true! She ate a monkey yesterday. ..and she grabbed it before she ate it.
I can fix her
Haven't smelled too many wild animals have you? They generally do smell like shit.
No they don't, who's your wild animal guy? Somethings wrong.
What wild animals are you smelling? Farm animals often smell bad, but those are domesticated. I've been close to deer, sparrows, rabbits, none of them smelled bad. Some snakes smell bad, but I think that's on purpose, like a defensive stink.
You ever smelled a coyote or a raccoon?
Raccoon yes, coyotes usually pull a gun on me if I get too close.
Hopefully they didn't get it from ACME.
I can fix her 😤
you're aware humans have existed in the wild for millions of years and we regularly fucked other human species, ye? and people can be in relationships without having sex.
Goblins that are capable of intelligent speech and understanding and desiring the concept of a husband are well within the limits of acceptability.
I mean, the many half races in DnD implies that most races arent anatomically incompatible
There's rules for that and in this case nope.
Minotaur and Centaur is a nope, but Minotaur and dragon is a yes!
And clearly biped
Now Centaur plus dragon
Human genes seem to be recessive
Bruh she has two toned hair and it looks good. That woman knows how to use hair dye well. I bet she bathes every day. Or every second day, goblins probably have healthier bathing habits than humans. Humans are so obsessed with cleanliness they don't give their bodies time to apply its own natural measures. You're not supposed to wash your hair with shampoo every day, you'll damage it. And no conditioner above the neck. Your hair's natural oils will come in and you'll have healthy locks that shine. Constantly stripping your hair's natural oils away will just make you dependent on shampoo and conditioner.
Fiction can be whatever you want it to be. There's no Right way to depict fantasy races/creatures.
You had me at smells like shit
I'd marry goblin slayer
FTFY