pixel_witch

I'm so overwhelmed with all the stuff I have to do and also don't have accountability at work and it's making it worse. Anyone want to be accountability buddies? Spend a moment every week getting to know each other enough to hold each other accountable and maybe send the occasional uplifting message?

I'm so tired the caffeine no longer effects me. My ADHD issues are worse. It's effecting work. I'm getting to work waiting to clock in and sleeping in the parking lot.

I get home and will be tired but by the time I get myself fed and everything cleaned up and the dog and cat cared for and in bed (skipping showers or washing my teeth or brushing my hair most nights) I can't seem to fall asleep regardless of the exhaustion.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel but it's two weeks away. And I used to work harder and longer hours. I worked in theatre and events and tech was some of the longest days for a week or two straight so I feel like I should be prepared for this. But apparently I'm out of practice or I'm no longer able to cope like I used to.

At this point whether it's the ADHD or age making it harder no longer matters I just need tips for surviving until life lets up.

God I am miserable. I am in charge of managing some several thousand video recordings as well as making sure my notes on them are accurate (date time and number of clips).

Really wishing I had not simply written down those things on whatever paper I had at the time. Going back and trying to figure it out is not fun. Someone save me from myself and my incompetence.

I was so worried about the test showing that I wasn't ADHD but instead a lazy pos. Turns out I do have ADHD and my mom was right. Owe her an apology and working on the best way to do that (I'm thinking a coffee date)

Anyway I am relieved I feel better knowing that I have a reason I struggle and it is because of me but things that are partially out of control. Now to work on the things I can control and actually make progress.

My pysch wants me to get a tova and liver blood work done before prescribing stimulants. I have never done the ToVA it seems like a relatively short test. A cursory search so it's accuracy is below 90% which worries me. What worries me even more is what if it shows I don't have ADHD and I am secretly just a terrible lazy person.

Anyone care to share their experiences?

This is your friendly reminder to update your paperwork with HR/your job. Make sure your address is correct, martial status, tax withdrawal, emergency contacts, ect.

If you have no updates do you know how to do it if you should have updates in the future?

What prompted this? I eloped last year. No name change no address change just got married. Updated my insurance info so spouse could be on my insurance with hr via phone. Neglected to see if there were other things to update, such as paycheck/HR info status and noticed when there was an issue with my paycheck.

I work for a large university turns out the HR lady I spoke to last year only deals with benefits. I thought updating benefits would update everything else or at least push a prompt for me to check other things. I was wrong. Whoops! Here's to hoping it doesn't totally fuck my taxes this upcoming year.

Ok, so it is sort of a known part of ADHD that we tend to talk a lot or our typed responses seem to be longer and involve a lot of breaks and punctuation (or whatever these are called). We do this to be clearer in communication. We do this to elaborate. And often for neurotypicals it becomes a point of frustration.

As women we also often have a different communication style or methods. It is often softer. There has been all these articles on it. How women apologize too much (what prompted this thought), minimize themselves linguistically and why/how we shouldn't. And while I understand what they mean, I am frustrated with it.

For me "I'm sorry" is not an apology. It is only an apology when it is accompanied by qualifiers (I will not do x again, I will do better in the future, how can I make it right?) Sometimes it is social lubricant. Used in place of excuse me or to express empathy. When I say "I'm sorry your day has been terrible" I am not apologizing for your day. I didn't make it terrible I am recognizing that it was bad and that sucks. I am leaving it open to you to elaborate on or move on from (whichever you prefer and this is where non verbal cues come in). If I didn't want you to expand or wanted to find my way out of the conversation I would use "bummer" or simply "oh".

And that brings me to the impetus for this long ass post. I was told once again by someone I apologize too much and should not. And it really ate at me. I am sick of constantly adjusting my language to make others more comfortable. Im constantly adjusting phrasing, tactics, ect to get my point across, be clear and be empathetic. No one else I know adjusts like this or to this degree. I put a ton of energy into my communication.

And if I should stop "apologizing" so much so that I am not as soft or so that I am seen with more self esteem, why can't I say "Im sorry" as a non apology because that is what feels natural and best expresses my intention. I am sorry that the nuisances are lost on others.

I need to get into my password manager as I am transitioning browser programs. And I can't remember my password to a site nor the password to my password manager.

Le sigh. I trapped myself in this hell but I still hate it.

Article from my new pysch office about signs you might have adhdm this was the last one and I definitely did only read the headers.

I'm so happy. With all the reddit stuff it's been kinda stressful. I use reddit for dopamine fixes but also a lot to find answers to questions. But I found only in the past year the ADHD women community and felt supported and at home.

I thought I was going to have to say goodbye to that but here at least some of that community is.