"The bun was a bit dry and that was more than I could take!", said the frightened man in army gear.
this post was submitted on 04 Nov 2025
711 points (98.9% liked)
Not The Onion
18547 readers
1220 users here now
Welcome
We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!
The Rules
Posts must be:
- Links to news stories from...
- ...credible sources, with...
- ...their original headlines, that...
- ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”
Please also avoid duplicates.
Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.
And that’s basically it!
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
PTSD - Post Thrown Sandwich Disorder
Crusty Italian shrapnel wounds -Where is his Purple Heart?
the horror...the horror....
I cannot believe we're wasting taxpayer dollars on a ballistic hoagie attack.
I'm sure we all know the phrase that a prosecutor could get a grand jury to "indict a ham sandwich". It took prosecutors THREE Grand Juries to finally get an indictment for someone throwing that sandwich.
It's all a complete waste of time and taxpayer funds, and in any other point in history these prosecutors would have been fired immediately for incompetence at even considering an indictment in the first place, not even considering the possibility that they would try for three attempts.
They never got the indictment. The prosecutor had to downgrade the charges from a felony to a misdemeanor, which doesn’t have to go before a grand jury.
I didn't even realize that, last I had heard was them putting it before the third jury, and then that there was going to be a trial.
load more comments
(1 replies)
load more comments
(2 replies)
Actually, it's even stupider than that I'm pretty sure, two grand juries refused to give them an indictment for a felony charge, so they brought a way less severe misdemeanor charge because you don't have to get a grand jury to sign off on those, and that's what we're wasting this time on
As it so happens, they can indict ham sandwiches, but not turkey subs. And I think this is arguably funnier.
I hope a news outlet has the boldness to run this story after one showing DHS brutality, including the taxpayer costs, and before one about SNAP, healthcare and the shutdown. This administration is well past the point of pissing on Americans while telling them it's raining.
It's just a shame it wasn't a lead sandwich traveling at 1500 fps
load more comments
(3 replies)
I hope the people around him never let him live a minute without being reminded about what a weak little boy he is for whining about taking a soft, succulent sub to the shoulder.
Navy should give him a medal for surviving the first sub attack on US soil.
The Cunt for Red October.
Shit. Bread October...it was right there...
load more comments
(5 replies)
The injury was to the ego and authority - of the entire apparatus, not one man. They're all anxious to bring retribution and remind everyone that the enforcer class is above them and demands your cowering deference.
That's a really good point. I hope he gets a medal for injury in the line of duty with a big, televised ceremony and lots of sandwich puns.
Kinda gives new meaning to the term “war hero”.
cunt got to testify about a fucking blt, and humans are being wholesale sold to prisons
fuck this cuntry. America is dead
No. Remember that they could not get this through a grand jury. The Grand Juries are practicing Nullification for these incidents because the public is sick of Trump and ICE. They had to go with a lesser charge for it ... and this one stupid case will likely end this prosecutors career.
load more comments
(2 replies)
Video clearly shows that the sandwich was fully wrapped. Why do they need to lie?
New ICE patches: "Don't bread on me"
I hope the jury are all served sub sandwiches for lunch each day of this trail.
With extra onions and mustard
load more comments
(10 replies)
As neither party disputes the basic facts of the case, jurors will need to determine whether the sandwich-throwing is enough to convict Dunn on the misdemeanor assault charge.
Even if it is, this is a job for jury nullification.
A DC jury recently acquitted a different resident who was also charged with assault for allegedly moving her knee up toward an officer while being restrained after filming officers as they made immigration-related arrests.
I see that sense is, ever so slowly, being restored.
There was a similar case in Russia in 2019 when a guy threw an empty paper cup in a direction of a police line at a protest, and got arrested and was tried for it. Ultimately he was set free, 2019 was very nice time for Russia, comparatively. Will see how American justice system compares.
That sandwich did not explode. It flopped limply against his chest just as you would expect a sub from Subway to do.
load more comments
(1 replies)
US catches up - abot 10 years ago, a riot cop in Russia became a victim of an empty paper cup throwing. It was qualified as assault, btw.
load more comments
(3 replies)
Waste of a sandwich
Obviously the border patrol bootlicker isn't accounting for his own scent which smells like pigshit.
/c/yestheonion
Or at least AN onion
I relish this joke.
Poor little pissy pants, must be so hard to be a traitor when you smell like onions and mustard.
meanwhile, there's another, actually important trial happening that is describing horrific conditions of ice detention.
I'd argue 1st Amendment rights and the weaponization of the legal system are also important.
Are you talking about this trial right?
Judge calls alleged conditions at Chicago-area immigration site ‘disgusting’
We need to stay aware of how this and similar trials unfold around the country.
load more comments
(1 replies)
view more: next ›